- Maddie Fitzpatrick: We're making the famous Tipton Spinning salad bowl as we have done a thousand times before.
- London: [giggles nervously] We have?
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: Yes! London lettuce!
- London: Let us what?
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: The green stuff!
- London: [giggles nervously again] Oh right!
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: [to man at restaurant] You are going to love it, it is so good.
- London Tipton: How do I know when it's boiling?
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: When you put your hand in and say 'ow!'.
- Cody Martin: [Cody has severly burned a seafood medley] Oh no, my seafood medley!
- Zack Martin: It's seafood deadly now.
- Cody Martin: Zack, you're in charge of stuffing the chicken of vegetables.
- Zack Martin: What if she doesn't like them vegetables?
- Cody Martin: She's dead.
- Zack Martin: That'll make it easier.
- Patrick: [to Mr. Moseby] The critic wants to order! What do I do? What do I do?
- Mr. Moseby: [turns to Cody] What does he do? What does he do?
- London Tipton: Ew, ew! This is so gross and it's taking forever!
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: That's because you're cutting with a spoon.
- London Tipton: Moseby won't let me use knives.
- [Maddie looks at Mr. Moseby]
- Mr. Moseby: Don't ask.
- Cody Martin: Okay, Mom. I'm going to play to your strengths here.
- Carey Martin: You want me to sing?
- Cody Martin: You're in charge of washing dishes.
- Carey Martin: Can I sing while I wash them?
- Cody Martin: Quietly.
- Carey Martin: Okay.
- Zack Martin: Cody, there's a supermodel checking in! Come on!
- Cody Martin: Uh, I can't. I have a hot duck in the oven.
- Zack Martin: Well, I have a hot blonde in the lobby. Which is more important?
- London Tipton: Chef Paolo, my dog hates your food.
- Chef Paolo: Let me get this straight. Your flea-bitten mongrel is criticizing my food?
- London Tipton: She spit it out like the kibble it is.
- Mr. Moseby: Don't listen to her, she's a dog!
- [London gasps]
- Mr. Moseby: I mean, her dog is a dog! What does she know?
- Mr. Moseby: London, apologize to Chef Paolo immediately.
- London Tipton: Chef Paolo, I'm sorry you can't cook.