- Prehistoric Vampire: [pops out of his stone coffin] Aha! Um... aha!
- Count Duckula: Aha what?
- Prehistoric Vampire: Just... aha!
- Count Duckula: You can't have just "aha". It doesn't make sense!
- Prehistoric Vampire: Look, I'm the world first vampire; all I know is "Aha". How do I know what makes sense?
- Igor: Oh, I was wondering why sir is out in the middle of the day.
- Prehistoric Vampire: Uh, um, middle of the... uh... is that wrong?
- Igor: Oh, indubitaby, sir. You should only come out at night.
- Prehistoric Vampire: Night? Night... that's that dark bit, isn't it?
- [laughs]
- Prehistoric Vampire: I-I couldn't do that; you can't see a thing at night!
- Count Duckula: Oh, I suppose they haven't invented street lights yet!
- Igor: Have you tried sinking your teeth into something yet, sir?
- Prehistoric Vampire: Oh, yes!
- [laughs]
- Prehistoric Vampire: I tried that for the first time this morning!
- Igor: Oh, everything went well, I trust, sir? The maiden was very tasty?
- Prehistoric Vampire: Maiden?
- [laughs]
- Prehistoric Vampire: So *that's* what they're called, are they? Uh, no, it wasn't very tasty, now you come to mention it; it got very angry and it's been chasing me all day! In fact-uh-in fact, here comes that maiden again! Whoa-oh!
- [dives back into coffin]
- Count Duckula: [the "maiden" turns out to be a dinosaur] Wow-wowee-wow! Now *that's*what I call a healthy sized maiden!
- Dr. Fexactely: [starting the rollercoaster] Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman, this is you super-captain speaking; welcome to rollercoaster number one for our little trip. Our cruising altitude is a mystery to me, our speed wil be quite fast, and our destination is none of your business!
- Dr. Fexactely: [in the vegetable era] Oh it's about 4008. If my memory serves me right, an artichoke has just been made President of the United States of America, and two turnips have just landed on Venus.
- Count Duckula: Coo, just think, a turnip on Venus. Well that's a small step for a vegetable, but a giant leap for an Irish stew.
- Dr. Fexactely: Oh please, don't call me "Mister". I'm a doctor.
- Nanny: Ooh, a doctor. Could you look at my feet then? 'Cause they're not all they should be.
- Dr. Fexactely: Oh certainly! Open wide and say, 'Aah'.
- Nanny: Oh no! It's not my throat that hurts, it's my feet!
- Dr. Fexactely: Well in that case, get your feet to say 'Aah'.
- Count Duckula: Now if I say we go on the rollercoaster, we go on the rollercoaster, you too, Nanny.
- Nanny: Oooh no, I-I think I'll stay here and watch Mr. Igor take his head off.
- Count Duckula: Now look, I don't want to pull rank... but if you're not over by that rollercoaster in two seconds, I'll stand here... and... I'll sing.
- Count Duckula: [Nanny and Igor run off] I'm employing a couple of philistines.
- Igor: Phyllis Stein? Isn't that Gertrude's sister?