- Robert 'Rob' Petrie: What're you doin' here so early?
- Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: I wanted to be first in line for the water cooler.
- Laura Petrie: Dinner's almost ready, and in honor of your visit I made a cake.
- Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: Oh, thanks a lot, Laura, but I'm not allowed to eat fried food.
- Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Fried? You don't fry a cake.
- Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: No kiddin'. Wait'll my wife hears about this.
- Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Where you been, Sal?
- Sally Rogers: Well, where would I be at this hour? I was window shopping at the YMCA.
- [Rob is taking Buddy home to spend the night in Pickles' absence, against Sally's worry that they won't get along well]
- Sally Rogers: All right. All right. I now pronounce you man and guest, but remember one thing: John Wilkes Booth once shared a room with Lincoln.
- Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Oh, he did not.
- Sally Rogers: I know, but I hate to lose an argument.
- Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Buddy, either you've got your pajamas on under your suit or you've got the longest pair of shorts I ever saw.
- Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: I miss my wife.
- Sally Rogers: Aw.
- Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: Go ahead and laugh. It's funny.
- Robert 'Rob' Petrie: We've not laughin'.
- Sally Rogers: Yeah, Buddy, you know we never laugh at anything you say.
- Sally Rogers: Look, fellas, I once shared an apartment with some very close friends and it just didn't work out. We fought all the time.
- Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: Who was it?
- Sally Rogers: My mother and father.
- Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: [finishing dinner at the Petrie's] Laura, I wanna tell ya, you got a nice place here. You put in a few more tables and you'll do a good business.
- Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: I just don't think I should live at your house anymore.
- Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Oh?
- Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: Oh, you've been wonderful but, let's face it, you and... and Laura aren't the two easiest people in the world to get along with.
- Laura Petrie: Oh, it isn't enough that I have to get up to get breakfast for a household of people. Now you want me to race the dog for the paper.