- Gimpy: So guys, tell me. How was your first week at college? Tell me. Tell me.
- Rocko: Well, I'm this close to getting into Alpha Alpha and then I'm going to get laid like a champ. Because frat boys get the jimmy waxed 24-7.
- Gimpy: Yeah, frat guys. They're the best. Whimsical, racist, sexist, violent, drunken, frinking frat guys. Man, oh man, They are the bomb indeed.
- Rocko: So you're happy for me?
- Gimpy: NO, and I'll tell you why - You'd be a frat guy and I'm a nerd. Nerds and frat guys are mortal enemies like Jews and Arabs, Jedi and Sith, and of course, spaghetti and milk.
- Rocko: Wieners, wieners, wieners! Put 'em in your mouth! Wieners, wieners, wieners, get it it's like my Johnson! Alpha.
- Gimpy: I just lost ten good men on the field of honor. Do you know how that feels? It feels like someone made you swallow a fishing hook tied the other end to a tractor trailer and then dragged your guts from here to Las Vegas!
- Parker 'Nitz' Walsh: So, you're not up for coffee?
- Gimpy: Sure, come on over.
- The Duggler: You can call me the Duggler. Just like my dad does.
- Mump: What if I get caught, tortured or hungry?
- Gimpy: You'll be disguised as a common, ordinary, everday member of the California highway patrol. And uh, so I can keep an eye on you...
- [shoves helmet and sunglasses on him]
- Mump: [falling over] Is there a camera in the helmet?
- Gimpy: No, the camera is in the sunglasses. This is just a big, big helmet.
- Mark the Drama Guy: My partner Lance, I met him my first year.
- Kimmy Burton: You mean your roommate Lance.
- Mark the Drama Guy: Sure... let's call him a roommate.
- Chief Justice Burger: Wanna see my 'all-beef patty'?
- [Charity hits him]
- Chief Justice Burger: [holding a burger] Aww, now who's going to help me eat this?
- Chief Justice Burger: I don't think that young man is getting enough *meat* in his diet!
- Rocko: You're gonna haze me right?
- Craig the Fraternity Leader: No. Hazing has been banned on the Central State Junior Community College campus since 1983 when a student became permanently brain-drunk.
- Rocko: No hazing? Where have I heard that before?
- Frat boy: [Rocko remembering a TV show he saw as a kid] And of course, there's no hazing!
- Frat pledge: That's rad! Hazing is grody!
- [gets splashed with something awful]
- Frat pledge: Ahh! My Aca Joe windbreaker!
- Frat boy: You idiot! You should have *demanded* to be hazed! Now you'll *never* get into the frat! Never! Never never!
- Rocko: Never... never... never...
- Craig the Fraternity Leader: Rocko?
- Rocko: I'm onto your little game! I'm going to haze *myself* in the name of Alpha Alpha! I'll be the best pledge you ever had! Even if I have to kill the President!
- Craig the Fraternity Leader: Rocko, you really don't have to kill the President.
- Rocko: Oh we'll just see about that.