- [Putting on a date-rape skit]
- Rocko: Well. Here we are. Insert actress's name. Would you like to come up to my room?
- Blonde: I don't know. I don't really know you!
- Rocko: You know I've got a futon and a boner! What more do you need?
- Duggler: Freeze! Now what's going on here? What should... Rocko! I said freeze!
- Rocko: But I haven't even copped a feel yet! What kind of crappy date-rape is this?
- Stoner Dave: "How to Seduce a Woman"? No way, man! Are you on the skunk-weed? This isn't how you do it, bro!
- Nitz: Well then how am I supposed to learn?
- [Dave picks up a stack of videos]
- Stoner Dave: "Chocolate Trouble", "Sweet Lady Cane", "Fists of Dynamite", "Lips of Love", "Sir Pimps-A-Lot", and my personal favorite, "Black Jackson", mutha!
- Jessie: Rocko had a girlfriend? Was she mentally challenged or like a man or something?
- [Rocko scowls at her]
- Jessie: Okay, for the sake of conversation, let's say your ex wasn't a total whack-job. Why did you break up?
- Rocko: It's sorta complicated.
- [flashback to prom]
- Rocko: Uh, I know it's prom and all, buuut... I'm breaking up with you so I can get laid by tons of chicks when I go to college. Oh yeah, happy birthday!
- [Watching the porn videos]
- Tyrie: Watch your ass, Chocolate!
- Chocolate: Ooh, what's the matter, Tyrie? You not man enough to watch it for me?
- [More people sit down and start watching]
- Woman: I got your number, Black Jackson!
- Jackson: Ding! Now serving 28 baby, and 1 size does fit all!
- [the room begins to fill]
- Sir Pimps-A-Lot: I ain't neva see that slut in my life!
- Chocolate: Well maybe this will refresh your memory, Pimps-a-lot!
- [zipping noise]
- Nitz: Man. That Chocolate Sauce is nothin but sweet-ass trouble.
- Stoner Dave: Oh yeah, you got that right.
- Rocko: [Drunk on the phone] So, I think we should get back together. Dumping you was a big mistake. A big, big...
- [Takes a swig of some liquor, belches]
- Rocko: Oh you're so friggin' sexy. You have the rounded, sweetest, most incredible...
- The Ex's Mom: [Sound of a phone being picked up] Rocko? Why are you calling my daughter at this hour? Do you have any idea what time it is?
- Rocko: No. Do you?
- The Ex's Mom: Whatever you have to tell her can certainly wait until this weekend when she's down there visiting State U.
- The Ex: Mom, hang up the phone! Hang up! Rocko, are you high?
- Rocko: Depends on what you're wearing.
- The Ex: Stop calling me and leaving drunk messages on my machine, jackass!
- Rocko: [She hangs up. Rocko calls her back] Uhh, could you put your mom back on the phone? She sounded kinda sexy.
- [after a floor meeting about campus sexual activity]
- Jessie: Like anyone would want to ask The Duggler about sex. My mom talks about sex more maturely. And she uses words like "pee-pee" and "bunny-hole."
- Gimpy: After days of researching, cross-referencing, being in the most hardcore of hardcore chatrooms, seeing things no man should ever see, I have proven that Mulder and Scully never slept together, not before, not during, not after any of the X-Files episodes or movies.
- Nitz: Well, what about that episode where Fox hooks up with Scully on that ocean liner in that alternate dimension?
- Gimpy: [infuriated] Alternate dimensions don't count!