Oliver Beene (TV Series)

Daughter for a Day (2004)

Grant Rosenmeyer: Oliver David Beene

Quotes 

• Oliver David Beene : Michael, do you think I spend too much time with my mother?

  Michael : [while sorting his vinyl album collection]  Are you kidding? You're the biggest mama's boy ever. Where should I put Perry Como? Under 'Romantic Male Vocals', or 'Romantic Ethnic'? Don't answer. I have to listen to my heart on this one.

  Oliver David Beene : So what should I do?

  Michael : Why don't you just try hanging out with guys more? Do a little male bonding.

  Oliver David Beene : [thrilled]  That's a great idea! Come on, let's go do some "guy stuff" right now.

  Michael : [he has just found a favorite vinyl record]  Ooooh, "South Pacific". We'll sing along. Wait! We'll make coconut bras!

  Oliver David Beene : [to himself, suddenly preferring his older brother]  I wonder what Ted is doing?

• [after spending the morning male-bonding in places like the steam room, Oliver and his Dad are now having lunch] 

  Narrator : I'd been scalded, beaten, scraped and seen my Dad's weiner, but at least now I was a man.

  Oliver David Beene : [he suddenly grabs his back in pain]  Oy!

  Narrator : A 90-year-old man.

  Dr. Jerrimiah 'Jerry' Beene : I hope you're hungry. Feast your eyes on Dr Beene's Saturday Special: chili burgers, cheese fries, hot dogs, onion rings, milk shakes, and... steak and eggs!

  Oliver David Beene : Oh my God! It's everything I love, all in one place.

  Dr. Jerrimiah 'Jerry' Beene : Hang on. Don't forget your vegetables.

  [he places the ketchup bottle in front of Oliver, and they laugh hysterically] 

  Narrator : Wow. Bonding with the Old Man over 650 grams of fat. What could be more grown up than that?

  [a waitress pours Oliver's Dad a cup of coffee] 

  Narrator : Of course. The elixir of manhood.

  Oliver David Beene : Wait, please. Hey, Dad... could I get a cup of coffee?

  Dr. Jerrimiah 'Jerry' Beene : Mmmm, I don't know, Oliver. I'm not sure you're old enough.

  Oliver David Beene : Look, if I'm old enough to get beat with a branch

  [he's referring to the sauna earlier] 

  Oliver David Beene : I think I can handle a little coffee.

  Dr. Jerrimiah 'Jerry' Beene : Mabel... my son wants a cup of coffee.

  Narrator : Then, Dad said the words that have bonded fathers and sons for centuries.

  Dr. Jerrimiah 'Jerry' Beene : [whispering]  Just don't tell your mother.