Mystery Science Theater 3000 (TV Series)

Gamera vs. Barugon (1991)

Kevin Murphy: Tom Servo

Quotes 

• Tom Servo : [man in white suit and hat is getting off a jeep]  Oh, it's Tom Wolfe! Thank God, the contemporary novel is saved!

• Tom Servo : [as a scorpion slowly crawls up Kawajiri]  Death, where is thy sting? We're waiting.

• Tom Servo : Gamera craves the creamy taste of flames!

• [the sea is bubbling] 

  Tom Servo : It's the ghost of Esther Williams!

• Tom Servo : If Gamera craves fire, what does Barugon crave?

  Crow T. Robot : Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia?

• Keisuke : It's our punishment for wanting so much wealth!

  Tom Servo : What's gonna happen to Donald Trump?

• Tom Servo : Whatever happened to Gamera? He got top billing.

  Joel Robinson : He must have a real good agent, I think.

• Tom Servo : Kids! Here's the greatest, the neatest, and the latest thing. 5000-piece Fightin' Men and Monster set, some pieces not included. Astonish and baffle your friends and foes while you pulverize Japan. Here's what you get: 500 Japanese light infantry body parts, may not be missing, 36 helpless individuals, 20 tanks, 15 recoil-less rifles, not in the set, 24 bazooka gun runners, 18 ambulance chasers, 12 jet fighters, 6 not included, 16 helicopter parts, 200 shooting crouches, 19 fighting clowns, 8 deserters, 6 geese-a-laying, 24 Mohawk Indians and much, much, much, much more! Act now and receive at half the extra value the mystifying monster action pack. Flame-on with Gamera, torso sold separately. He spits real fire and causes real pain. Solid rubber Barugon comes complete with optional ram-tongue action, not responsible for nerve damage. And amuse your friends with Topel, Meatsong, and Bart the Bat-man Belgium and dive- some parts may not exist. Act now, act often, and snap on the entire Tokyo metropolitan area complete with buildings, bridges, and the breakaway Monte Nuclear Dam, smaller than shown. Trample the add-on hapless citizen playset, then abhor the action with the fabulous anti-war protest pack, Senator Wellstone not included. But that's not all. Relive your favorite Japanese movie carnage with the Lights! Gamera! Action! series. There's the gimp, the goon, the shame-filled brother, the hapless geisha, and the fall-apart voodoo Kenny. Pose in the nude with the Frisky Kitten Revue then watch the action from high atop Tokyo Tower as the twisted world you create explodes in rivers of blood and endless pain.

  [He begins to talk faster and faster] 

  Tom Servo : Order today. Offer limited. Not available in Utah. Puerto Rico prices subject to herein. Please wear rubber underwear and some parts may be made of chicken. Act now! Buy bonds! That's all! MOMMY! MOMMY!

  [Joel comes in and places a breathing apparatus over Servo's mouth] 

  Joel Robinson : Okay, breathe, boy, breathe. That was a good one. Let's not do that again.

  [to the audience] 

  Joel Robinson : Here's something you'll really like.

  [He presses the commercial button. Joel removes the breathing mask and Servo, still rattled, sobs hysterically] 

  Joel Robinson : It's okay. It's okay.