- Fez: If there's one thing guys like us know, it's how to have sex. Oh, I cannot live with this lie. Everyone, prepare to be shocked. I, Fez, am still a virgin.
- Eric Forman: [sarcastically] Gosh. My world no longer makes sense.
- Steven Hyde: Eric, I've been thinking about your problem with Donna. After hours of careful consideration, it still makes me laugh.
- Jackie Burkhart: Eric, if it makes you feel any better, Michael was really bad his first time, too.
- Eric Forman: Oh, that's supposed to make me feel better?
- Jackie Burkhart: Doesn't it?
- Eric Forman: [realizes it does] Yeah, a little. Thanks, Jackie.
- Steven Hyde: See, Fez, you take all the partially consumed drinks. You mix them together to form one giant uber-drink. In this case, Tom Wallbanger Bloody Sunrise On The Beach!
- Reginald "Red" Forman: We should celebrate! Come on, Kitty, let's get you pregnant!
- Kitty Forman: [hits him]
- Reginald "Red" Forman: I'm kidding! You know I can barely stand the kids we have!
- Steven Hyde: I think Donna and Forman finally made the beast with two backs.
- Eric Forman: Well, Hyde, I'm not saying yes and I'm not saying no, but... I'm *especially* not saying no!
- Steven Hyde: Look, Forman, if God had meant for virgins to lose it to other virgins, he wouldn't have given us middle-aged hookers, man!
- Laurie Forman: Kelso, have you been avoiding me?
- Michael Kelso: You kiddin' me? I'm right here, aren't I?
- Laurie Forman: It's just that ever since I threatened to tell Jackie about the two of us, you've seemed distant.
- Michael Kelso: Laurie, that's just crazy, all right? You blackmailing me has just brought us closer together.