The Simpsons (TV Series)
Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy (1994)
Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Mayor Quimby, Grampa Simpson, Man in Crowd #1, John F. Kennedy, Barney Gumble
Photos
Quotes
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Grampa : Welcome home, son. I broke two lamps and lost all your mail. What's wrong with your wife?
Homer : Never mind, you wouldn't understand.
Grampa : Flu?
Homer : No.
Grampa : Protein deficiency?
Homer : No.
Grampa : Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis?
Homer : No.
Grampa : Unsatisfying sex life?
Homer : N - yes! But please, don't *you* say that word!
Grampa : What, seeex? What's so unappealing about hearing your elderly father talk about sex? I had seeeeex.
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Grampa : [throwing a bottle of tonic to Homer] Here you go, ya ingrate. Think of me when you're having the best sex of your life!
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Marge : Homey, are you really going to ignore Grampa for the rest of your life?
Homer : Of course not, Marge. Just for the rest of *his* life. He said I was an accident, he didn't wanna have me.
Marge : You didn't wanna have Bart.
Homer : [annoyed] I know, but you're never supposed to *tell* the child.
Marge : You tell Bart all the time. You told him this morning.
Homer : [protesting] But when I do it, it's *cute*!
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Homer : Sir! Ah, hello, sir. Yes, you look like a man who needs help satisfying his wife. So - OW!
[after getting punched in the face]
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Announcer : We now return to the 1971 film, "Good-Time Slim, Uncle Doobie, and the Great 'Frisco Freak-Out", starring Troy McClure.
Uncle Doobie : [a multicolored VW bug is chased by police] Slim, if we've got the bag with the stolen diamonds, then what happened to the bag with our stash?
Troy McClure : [as Slim] There's more than one way to get high, baby.
[he floors it]
Homer : [Marge, dressed seductively, snuggles with Homey] Please, Marge! How often can I see a movie of this calibre on late-night TV?
Marge : Is there something wrong, Homey?
Homer : No! It's just that I've only seen this movie twice before and I've seen you every night for the last eleven ye - er, what I meant to say is, uh, we'll snuggle tomorrow sweetie. I promise.
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Homer : The problem in the world today is communication. Too much communication.
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Homer : [Homer tries to give his children a heartfelt talk while Bart is eating a chocolate bar] Kids, your daddy and his daddy are involved in a very sticky, nutty, chewy, chocolatey - put it away, boy! - situation.
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[Grampa mixes various fragrances to create the aphrodisiac]
Grampa Simpson : Legend has it, my great-grand-pappy stumbled upon this recipe when he was trying to invent a cheap substitute for holy water.