The Simpsons (TV Series)

Lisa on Ice (1994)

Yeardley Smith: Lisa Simpson

Quotes 

• Homer : Can somebody pass the mustard?

  [Bart tries to pass the mustard to Homer, but Lisa blocks it] 

  Lisa : You're going to have to do better than that tonight, chump.

  Marge Simpson : I won't have any aggressive condiment passing in my house!

• Lisa : Bart, just get out of here.

  Bart Simpson : Hey, you get out. It's a free country.

  Lisa : That doesn't make any sense.

  Bart Simpson : I know you are, but what am I?

  Lisa : Get out, get out!

  Bart Simpson : All right. But on my way, I'm going to be doing this...

  [windmills his arms] 

  Bart Simpson : If you get hit, it's your own fault.

  Lisa : Okay, then I'm going to start kicking air, like this...

  [kicks up her foot] 

  Lisa : And if any part of you should fill that air...

  [kicks up her other foot] 

  Lisa : It's your own fault.

  [They shut their eyes and move toward each other, grunting as they flail or kick. Cut to downstairs in the kitchen, where Marge and Homer are. Their grunts soon turn to yells of pain, and sounds of fighting] 

• [Lisa is playing goalie for a minor hockey team] 

  Lisa : Milhouse, knock him down if he's in your way. Jimbo, Jimbo, go for the face. Ralph Wiggum lost his shin guard. Hack the bone. Hack the bone.

  Homer : Wow. Eye of the tiger, mouth of a Teamster.

• [Before the big hockey game] 

  Bart Simpson : Good luck, Lis. I'll try not to hurt you.

  Lisa : That's okay, I'm wearing my lucky rabbit's head.

  [reveals it on a string around her neck] 

  Bart Simpson : [gasp]  Mr. Honeybunny! You inhuman monster!

  Lisa : You want a piece of me?

  [They start fighting, Apu pulls them apart] 

  Lisa : Hey, hey! Save this precious hatred for the game!

• [Lisa has received an academic alert that she is failing gym class] 

  Marge : Lisa, your father and I are very concerned about this warning. I really hope you try harder.

  Homer : Whew. That's all of 'em.

  [puts stack of academic alerts in front of Bart] 

  Homer : And I'm so proud you didn't try to forge my name. How about a present, son?

  Bart : Well, I could use a new pair of hockey skates.

  Homer : Done and done.

  Lisa : That's not fair. Why is Bart getting a present and I'm getting chewed out?

  Homer : [sitting back]  Ah, the mysteries of life.

• Homer : Okay, hotshots, now that my daughter is on your team, I want to make a few things clear.

  Lisa : Please, Dad, I'll be fine.

  Homer : I don't want anyone to give her a hard time just because she's different. No jokes, no taunting...

  [Spotting a partially dressed Uter, the fat German exchange student] 

  Homer : hahahahahahaha! Look, that kid's got bosoms! Who's got a wet towel?

  [Chasing him with a towel] 

  Homer : Come here, butterball!

  Uter : Don't make me run! I am full of chocolate!

• Lisa : Bart! What are you doing in my room?

  Bart Simpson : Lisa, certain differences, rivalries, if you will have arisen between us. At first, I thought that we could talk it out, like grown-ups, but instead, I just ripped the head off Mr. Honeybunny!

  Lisa : [confused]  Bart, that was your cherished childhood toy.

  Bart Simpson : AH! Mr. Honeybunny!

  [puts the head back on and kisses it]