Paxton Whitehead: Albert Dudley

Quotes 

• [Despite the efforts of Rick, Albert and Dwayne, the baby keeps crying] 

  Rick : Albert, I think I've found the problem.

  Albert Dudley : You have? Then would you care to share it with us, hmmm?

  Rick : His pants are all ishy.

  Albert Dudley : Ishy? Ishy? And what, pray, is the definition of... oh.

  [all three awkwardly withdraw their hands] 

  Dwayne Stockton : Well, I'm not gonna change him!

  Rick : [puts on his gardening gloves]  I'll do it.

  Albert Dudley : No, no, no, I'll do it!

  [speaks to the baby in a soothing manner] 

  Albert Dudley : Now, now, it's all right, Uncle Albert's here... there we go.

  [removes the baby's diaper, and the baby pees on him] 

  Dwayne Stockton : Aww, it's a boy!

• Albert Dudley : Where did this baby come from?

  Rick : Well, when a man and a woman love each other very much...

• Albert Dudley : We're in big trouble here, Rick has stolen a baby!

  Dwayne Stockton : A-and?

  Albert Dudley : And we've got a problem! Think of the scandal! Stonehill's stock will plummet, and we'll all be out of a job!