The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Joy of Sect (1998)

Harry Shearer: Football Team Member, Otto, Orientation Film Narrator, Principal Skinner, Kent Brockman, Mr. Burns, Smithers, Reverend Lovejoy, Ned Flanders

Quotes 

• Fox TV announcer : You are watching Fox.

  Homer Simpson , Marge Simpson , Bart Simpson , Lisa Simpson : [all in a trance]  We are watching Fox.

• Reverend Lovejoy : This so-called new religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants, designed to take away the money of fools. Now let's say the Lord's Prayer 40 times, but first, let's pass the collection plate.

• Mr. Burns : You see me as a God, right, Smithers?

  Smithers : Absolutely, sir.

  Mr. Burns : You'd kneel before me, wouldn't you?

  Smithers : Boy, would I!

  Mr. Burns : Yes. Then, uh, I'll form my own religion - with its own symbol. We'll use this special "K"!

  [holds up a sketch of the Special K logo] 

  Smithers : I believe that's already a breakfast cereal, sir.

  Mr. Burns : And people worship it?

  Smithers : In a way.

  Mr. Burns : Alright, then. Uh, how about this?

  [holds up a sketch of a Mickey Mouse ear hat] 

  Smithers : Aaahh... why don't you leave the symbol to me, sir?

• Kent Brockman : Springfield has been overrun by a strange and almost certainly evil sect, calling themselves The Movementarians. In exchange for your home and all your belongings, the Leader of this way out... and wrong religion, the Leader claims he'll take believeres to the planet, Blisstonia. Excuse my editorial laugh.

  [laughs] 

  Kent Brockman : But...

  [pauses] 

  Kent Brockman : Ladies and gentlemen, I just learned of a new change in management. Welcome, Movementarians. I love you, perfect Leader... and new CEO of KBBL Broadcasting.

• Mr. Burns : Smithers, why haven't I heard of this "The Leader"? He's as rich and wicked as I, but he seems to enjoy tax-exempt status.

  Smithers : Uh, actually, sir, with our creative bookkeeping and corporate loopholes, we only pay $3 a year.

  Mr. Burns : [gasps]  You're right! We're getting screwed!

• Lenny : [about Mr. Burns]  Meh, he's alright, but he's no bowl of Special K!

  [holds up a box of Special K cereal and kisses it] 

• Glen : Let the judgment begin! I'll get the ball rolling.

  Glen : [to Homer]  You're a fat idiot.

  Barney : Yeah lose some weight!

  [whole group voices their agreement] 

  Homer Simpson : Hell yeah I guess I could lose a few pounds. And I can be kinda thick sometimes! Hehehe.

  Principal Skinner : [sternly]  You've failed at everything you've ever tried.

  Homer Simpson : Whoa, you got my number on that one buddy. This is a smart group!

  Moe Szyslak : And your stink brings tears to my eyes!

  Homer Simpson : Now wait a minute Moe.

  [sniffs own armpit] 

  Homer Simpson : Oh, my mistake.

• Groundskeeper Willie : [Homer, Bart and Lisa are tied up in a dark room with only a small dim light on]  Oh, you're gonna break like matchsticks, I promise you that.

  Ned Flanders : [coming through the door, turns on the big light]  Hey, I made some Rice Krispies Squares for our hungry deprogram-erinos.

  Groundskeeper Willie : Oh, man! You ruined the atmosphere, you daft pansy!

  Ned Flanders : Well, this is my rumpus room.

  Groundskeeper Willie : Don't call it that!

• Propaganda movie narrator : When you surrender yourself to the Movementarians, you are guaranteed a perfect life of serenity, love and loving serenity. Not a guarantee.

  Moe Szyslak : It's about damn time.

  Otto : I love the leader!

• Otto : [after watching the Movementarians' brainwashing]  I love the leader.