- Cody Martin: Did you win money on a quiz show?
- London Tipton: Maddie on a quiz show? Oh please... She thinks a polygon is what you say when your parrot is lost. She thinks Ecuador is how you get in an ecua. She think the nutcraker sweet is the nicest suite in the nutcraker hotel. She thinks...
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: Are you trying to insult me?
- London Tipton: I rest my case.
- Mr. Moseby: Where are you boys going?
- Cody Martin: Well, I'm thinking about going to Harvard, and Zack's going to San Quentin.
- Zack Martin: On an athletic scholarship!
- Radio Announcer: [in the parallel world] President Paris Hilton confirmed that it is now illegal to weigh over 108 pounds.
- [sobbing]
- Radio Announcer: This will be my... last... broadcast...
- Cody Martin: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- Zack Martin: Chihuahuas have freakishly large ears? 'Cause I mean compared to their little bodies, they're just like massive.
- [in an alternate universe where London & Maddie switched places]
- Maddie: If I feel one drop of rain on my head, I'll give you such a zuts, you'll plotz.
- [Zack and Cody make a hard landing in a parallel universe]
- Cody Martin: [groans] I banged my yead on something hard.
- Zack Martin: Yeah. *My* head.
- Zack Martin: But Bob's parents said he could go bungee jumping.
- Carey: And if Bob's parents let him jump off a bridge, would you want to, too?
- Zack Martin: If I was attached to a bungee cord.
- Carey: Not even if you were attached to my umbilical cord.
- Zack Martin: Okay, ew.