- Edward "Eddie" Wolfgang Munster: You never let me have any fun! I'm gonna hold my breath and turn myself back into a toad!
- Herman Munster: Say, listen, why don't you send her to that man who does your hair?
- Phoebe Munster: Well, I don't think that would do any good, he's just a beautician, he's not a miracle man.
- Herman Munster: If you don't do something about her soon, we'll have her on our hands forever.
- Phoebe Munster: Me? If I don't do something about it soon? Well, I always have to do something about it. It's me, always me.
- Herman Munster: It's enough I have to go out and scare up the rent every day.
- Phoebe Munster: You think you're the only one who works hard? Hah! Well, how would you like to have to clean nine rooms and a dungeon every day?
- Grandpa: Now what do we have here? Poisoned apples, poisoned banana's, poisoned pineapples, poisoned fruit salad. Poisons? Poisons? For what are you showing me poisons? Potions I said, potions! I mean don't you understand English?
- Grandpa: Aha, here it is: The Loveable Potion. If thou wouldst inspire devotion, slake thy thirst with this rare potion. To have the lover of thy choosing, shake the bottle well, 'ere using. Shake the bottle well? Oh, I shudder to think what would happen if this fell into unscupulous hands.