Scrubs (TV Series)

My New Suit (2006)

John C. McGinley: Dr. Perry Cox

Quotes 

• Dr. Cox : You know, Bobbo, I find you less repungent of late. Dare I say I'm developing a begrudging indifference to you.

  Dr. Kelso : You're so edgy and cantankerous. You're like House without the limp.

• Dr. Cox : OK. As you all know Sacred Heart is dealing with a mountain of malpractice lawsuits courtesy of bumbling interns, clueless doctors and hack surgeons, or as I like to refer to them, you people. Now, since Sweaty Teddy here backs up his infinitesimal knowledge of the law with absolutely zero knowledge of medicine, one of you is going to have to help him go through the claims, decipher medical stuff and somehow relay all of that into his tiny peanut brain. Ted, how many times did I insult you during that speech? I was shooting for five.

  Ted Buckland : Only three, unless you count "Sweaty Teddy" as an insult; but my mom calls me that, and she loves me, right?

  Dr. Cox : No Ted. She hates you. Four. Now, since Ted has no life, and that's five, I'm going and let him select his very own victim. Ted...

  Ted Buckland : I'll take Claire!

  Claire : Oh God...

  Ted Buckland : You turned me down 14 times for drinks! Well, who's the creepy loser now, huh?

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [narrating]  And just like that I had the chance to comfort Claire.

  [out loud] 

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : You look like you need to be rescued...

  [Claire nods; J.D. Narrates again] 

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Life was good... but then came a surprise visit from my brother and a round of the game he likes to call Watch Her Leave.

  [J.D. comforts Claire; Dan arrives at their back, holding a bunch of flowers] 

  Dan Dorian : There's no easy way to say this... we got the crabs.

  [Claire runs away] 

  Dan Dorian : Wow, she was cute...

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Yes, she was, Dan... thank you.

  Dan Dorian : Welcome.

  [J.D. looks into the camera] 

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : We'll be right back

  [leaves with Dan] 

  Patient #1 : Was he talking to us?

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : Don't know, don't care.

• Ted Buckland : Okay, back to work. Okay, this next patient claims their s-s-stent was implanted incorrectly. What's a stent?

  Dr. Cox : A tube that holds arteries open.

  Ted Buckland : All right. And, what's a Buckland?

  Dr. Cox : It's a predominantly hairless growth that is never found on women.

  Ted Buckland : Weird.

  Dr. Cox : [Dr. Cox shows Ted his name plate]  It's your last name, Ted.