Hot Rod (2007)

Bill Hader: Dave

Photos 

Quotes 

• Rod Kimble : Hey, everybody! I got some awesome news. We have a new crew member today, Denise. So I thought it would be fun if we all went around and said our name and a little something about ourselves. I'll start. My name is Rod, and I like to party. All right, Dave, you're up.

  Dave : Uh, hi. Uh, my name is Dave, and uh... I like to party.

  Rod Kimble : Uh, no, Dave. I just said that I party, so maybe you could do something different from me.

  Dave : My name is Dave, and I... am the stuntman.

  Rod Kimble : You know what? Let's move on. Rico, you're up.

  Rico : Uh, hello! I'm Rico, and I like to party.

  Rod Kimble : Yeah, uh, Rico, what did I just say to Dave?

  Rico : Who?

  Rod Kimble : Dave!

  Kevin Powell : I like to party. I'm Rod.

  Rod Kimble : No! You're Kevin!

  Kevin Powell : Right, Kevin. I party.

  Rod Kimble : No, no, you don't. Okay, nobody parties but me.

  Dave : Yes, and we party.

  Rod Kimble : No!

  Rico : Yeah, just Rod...

  Rod Kimble : Yes!

  Rico : ...and me!

  Rod Kimble : No! I'm the only one who parties!

  Kevin Powell : I'm pretty sure I've partied before.

  Rod Kimble : No, Kevin, I know for a fact you don't party. Okay? You do not party!

  Kevin Powell : You're right. Dave's the party guy.

  Dave : Haha, sweet!

  Rod Kimble : Oh, my God, shut up! Okay? I'm just gonna do it for you.

• Dave : You know, pools are perfect for holding water...

• Dave : I have various responsibilities within the crew. I'm kind of a jack-of-all-trades, really. I, one time, manned a flamethrower.

  High School Girl : Cool.

  Dave : Of course it's cool. It's awesome as shit.

• Dave : Hey, Rod, thanks for the ride.

  [Rod sees a chunk of metal lodged in Dave's eye and they both scream] 

  Dave : Hey, buddy. How's it going?

  Rod Kimble : Dave, what happened to your eye?

  Dave : This? Is it really noticeable?

  Rod Kimble : Yeah!

  Dave : Is it really noticeable?

  Rod Kimble : Yeah!

  Dave : Oh, man, it's totally serendipitous. Well, I got off work early, and you know my buddy Derrick? Well he was like, "I've got this acid, but I can't do it." And I was all like, "Well, I'll do it." So I did it. And by the time I got on my banana board, man, I was... I was tripping balls pretty hard, man. So I decided to get on my bench grinder, and a piece of metal flew up and hit me right in the eye. It was pretty awesome. And that brings us to now.

  Rod Kimble : Yeah, well, just try and relax.

  Dave : Can do, man. Can do. I'm gonna be honest with you, Rod. You look like a giant eagle with fire all around you, and you've got a mountain for a face.

  Rod Kimble : I'm guessing that's the drugs, Dave.

  Dave : Yeah, but it's also just kind of weird seeing you drive this minivan.

  Rod Kimble : Yeah, well, it's my mom's.

  Dave : Balls, man! We just ran over a small bus. This really small bus, we just ran over it.

  Rod Kimble : I didn't see anything.

  Dave : Hey, we're here. Seriously, man, this is one of the top-ten nicest things anybody has ever done for me.

• Rod Kimble : So, Denise, tell me about Jonathan. What's that dude all about?

  Denise : Well, we've been going out for about a year.

  Rod Kimble : Mhmm, and it's going well?

  Denise : Yeah, yeah. I mean, every relationship has it's ups and downs, but...

  Rod Kimble : Right. I've heard that. And he's a nice guy?

  Denise : Oh, yeah. I mean, he's really smart. He's actually in line to become a junior partner at his law firm.

  Rod Kimble : Right, totally. You guys should break up.

  Denise : What?

  Rod Kimble : Nothing. Hey, Dave's back!

  Dave : You guys, the bathroom here is nuts!

• Dave : Oh, whoa, wait, what? Why is Rod kissing his sister?

  Kevin Powell : Oh, Denise isn't his sister.

  Dave : She's not?

  Kevin Powell : No

  Dave : Oh. That shatters my entire universe.

• Cathy : Why'd you call yourself Voltron?

  Dave : I don't know. Maybe cause it's super badass!

  Cathy : You're weird.

  Dave : Hells, yeah, I am.

• Dave : Balls, man! We just ran over a small bus!

• Dave : Whatever happened to "Live as a team. Die as a team"?

  Rod Kimble : It's a sham, okay? There's no such thing as a team. You live and die alone.

  Rico : [to Rod]  Do you see what you're doing to him? You're making him upset. How important is this to you, huh? I don't even cry, and look at me. You're about to make tears come out of my face.

  [screaming] 

  Rico : Who am I supposed to build ramps for? Who am I supposed to build ramps for now?

• Kevin Powell : [after Rod asks Cathy out]  Wow, Rod, I can't believe she said yes.

  Rod Kimble : Yeah, well, you have only to believe if you wish to achieve, Kevin. That rhymed. Unintentional.

  Dave : Man, Rod! I am just green with jealous rage right now!

• Cathy : Why do you call yourself Voltron, Dave?

  Dave : I don't know, Cathy, maybe because it's *super* badass?

• Dave : Come on, Richardson, you're being a tool.

  [with a megaphone] 

  Richardson : There are no tools - in *this* pool!

• Dave : Oh, man, he hit his ass with a parking cone! Nice.

• Kevin Powell : Wow, Rod. I can't believe she said yes.

  Rod Kimble : Yeah Kevin. You've only to believe if you wish to achieve. That rhymed. Unintentional.

  Denise : Wow. She's really pretty, Rod.

  Rod Kimble : I know, D. But it's more than that me and Kathy. It's emotional. She gets me.

  Dave : Wow, Rod. I am just green with jealous rage right now!

• Dave : He's going in circles!