- Ted Baxter: I finally came up with my title. It's "A Piece of My Mind."
- Murray Slaughter: Well, if they can split the atom... ,
- Lou Grant: [after Ted took advantage of Lou once too often] You've got just twenty seconds to take down those pictures while your face still resembles them!
- Mary Richards: Murray, just the thought of physical violence. I just don't believe in it.
- Murray Slaughter: Yeah, but that's Lou's nature. He's a hawk, you're a dove, Ted's a cuckoo.
- Lou Grant: [Upon learning that he apparently injured Baxter when he literally threw the anchorman out of the studio] Ted, I'm so sorry.
- Ted Baxter: It's not your fault, Lou. It happened after you threw me: I skidded into the cigarette machine.
- Murray Slaughter: Well, they told you it was hazardous to your health.
- Mary Richards: What happened in there?
- Lou Grant: I just threw Ted out of the studio.
- Murray Slaughter: Threw him out? You mean you fired him?
- Lou Grant: No, I grabbed him and threw him through the door.
- Mary Richards: Mr. Grant! How could you do that?
- Lou Grant: I know, I feel terrible. With just the slightest change in trajectory I could thrown him out the window.
- Lou Grant: Who messed with the thermostat?
- Murray Slaughter: I did, Lou; I thought turning it down to 85 would be a nice conservation effort.
- Lou Grant: You mustn't turn down the thermostat, Murray! Ted should be in a warm place.
- Murray Slaughter: Some day, if there's any justice..
- Ted Baxter: I want to do a three minute opinion piece on the important issues of the day, like Eric Sevareid.
- Lou Grant: [Sceptically] Sevareid?
- Ted Baxter: Yeah, except when I do it, you'll be able to UNDERSTAND it!
- Lou Grant: And the best part os, I did it all without laying a hand on him.
- Mary Richards: See, you were able to convey your feelings to Ted without resorting to violence - now don't you feel better?
- Lou Grant: Yeah, yeah, I do... Uh, Mary, can you do me a favor? Could you call building maintenance and tell them I need a new door?
- Mary Richards: [Looking at his office door] What's wrong with THIS door?
- Lou Grant: As soon as you leave, I'm gonna put my fist through it!