- Leonard Amadeus Helperman: [Reads collar] Spot Helperman? What have you done to my dog?
- Spot Helperman: That's what I have been trying to tell you, Leonard. I am your dog!
- Scott Leadready II: I'm a boy, not a dog. A boy, not a dog. Don't blow it now, they wouldn't understand.
- Leonard Amadeus Helperman: You... you can talk!
- Spot Helperman: Yes I can, Leonard.
- [He licks Leonard's face]
- Leonard Amadeus Helperman: How long?
- Spot Helperman: The whole time.
- Leonard Amadeus Helperman: And Pretty Boy? Mr. Jolly?
- Spot Helperman: Mm-hm. All of us.
- Spot Helperman: I am going to school!
- Mr. Jolly: Gasp! Out there? You can't!
- Spot Helperman: Oh, can't I?
- Mr. Jolly: Oh dear, oh me, you're going against nature.
- [Spot picks a flea out from his fur]
- Spot Helperman: Nature invented the flea.
- [He squishes the flea]
- Spot Helperman: What care I for nature?
- Pretty Boy: You're a real piece of work.