- Emily Gilmore: [Lorelai and Rory have a high-spirited discussion at Friday night dinner] Spaghetti and meatballs is just too much excitement.
- Luke Danes: Who are they?
- Liz Danes: They're the support group of single moms I hooked up with. They're horrible! All they do is bitch, bitch, bitch. I'd have left every one of them too!
- Rory Gilmore: I could kill him!
- Logan Huntzberger: You'd have to get in a very long line.
- Rory Gilmore: The man should be drawn and quartered.
- Logan Huntzberger: There's no fast pass, either. You just got to wait.
- Rory Gilmore: Quartering's too good for him. He should be eighthed, sixteenthed.
- Logan Huntzberger: I don't know; you quarter a guy, he's in four pieces. That's tough to recover from.
- Rory Gilmore: He should be stretched on a rack, iron maidened, strappadoed.
- Logan Huntzberger: Oh, my god. What is strappadoed?
- Rory Gilmore: When you suspend him in the air with a rope tied to his hands that are tied behind his back.
- Logan Huntzberger: You're scaring me with your knowledge of torture.
- Rory Gilmore: I did a paper on the attorney general. It comes with the territory.
- Emily Gilmore: I'm all alone here and I desperately need to run a couple of errands.
- Lorelai Gilmore: And there's no one else?
- Emily Gilmore: I don't remember being in labor for 14 hours with anyone else, so no, there's no one else.
- Liz Danes: Hey, let me tell you my big exciting news.
- Luke Danes: Oh-oh.
- Liz Danes: It's not an oh-oh, it's good. Unless you don't like babies, in which case it's not so good.
- Luke Danes: You're pregnant?
- Liz Danes: Oh, it was supposed to be a surprise, who told you?
- Luke Danes: You just did.
- Liz Danes: Wow, I blew my own surprise!
- Richard Gilmore: [the Gilmores are discussing buildings that should have Rory's name on them] The Rory Gilmore Medical Research Laboratory.
- Emily Gilmore: No, that sounds like monkey testing. People will picket!
- Liz Danes: I'm gonna do all the healthy things for me I did not do last time I was pregnant, like not binge drink.
- Emily Gilmore: I told them I was not paying extra for bulletproof windows. I haven't been strafed in years.
- Emily Gilmore: Will you at least promise to keep your comedy set at my funeral to under five minutes?