- Zack Martin: [wearing a kimono] Nice tie.
- Mr. Moseby: [looks at Zack's kimono] Nice dress.
- Zack Martin: Touche.
- Cody Martin: What do you think of my model of the Eiffel Tower?
- Janice: That's the Eiffel Tower? I thought it was an oil derrek!
- Kumiko Mori: We should sing something we both know.
- [thinks, and then sings a series of very vibrato, operatic high notes]
- Carey Martin: Yeah, I can't do that since I had kids.
- [Carey and Kumiko are unable to find a song they both know how to sing]
- Mr. Moseby: Ugh. Right now, I'd be happy if you sung "If You're Happy and You Know It".
- Carey Martin, Kumiko Mori: I know that one!
- [Mr. Moseby groans]
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: [to London] Okay, maybe I was too subtle. When I said give them to a friend, I meant me! You know, sometimes you are dumber than a sack of hammers.
- London Tipton: Would a friend call another friend a dumber than a sack of hammers?
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: If they were really close, like we are. Friends tease.
- London Tipton: Oh, I get it. So why don't you come up before school tomorrow and take what you want from my closet, you stick-legged, frizzy-haired freak!
- Mr. Moseby: Maddie, did you stock the sushi candy?
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: And the seaweed cookies. Yum!
- Zack Martin: What are we having, a convention of seals?
- [he barks and claps like a seal; Maddie throws him a piece of candy]
- Mr. Moseby: No, an important Japanese company is coming, and it would be swell if they came again next year. So I would like them to feel at home.
- Cody Martin: How come you never want us to feel at home?
- Mr. Moseby: You're kidding, right?
- Mr. Moseby: [trying to escort Kumiko away from the twins] Okay, let me show you to your room.
- Cody Martin: Wait! I want to practice my Japanese.
- [says to Kumiko in Japanese:]
- Cody Martin: My belly button grows watermelons.
- Kumiko Mori: [to Moseby, uneasily] Don't send the fruit basket to my room.
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: [Cody speaks to Maddie in a foreign language] Okay, should I thank you or slap you?
- Cody Martin: It's international week at school and I've learned to say things in ten different languages.
- Zack Martin: And I've learned to snore in ten different languages.
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: I am so hungry. I missed breakfast.
- London Tipton: I hear you. This morning, my hollandaise sauce was curdled, so all I had was a caviar omelet and French toast with a banana nut muffin on the side.
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: Even when I've had breakfast, I've never had breakfast like that.
- [London sees Maddie chewing on a belt]
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: What? I'm hungry, and it's not bad.
- London Tipton: [pointing to the belt] Is that alligator?
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: Yes, but it tastes like chicken.
- London Tipton: Well, I would never stoop so low.