The Office (TV Series)

Casino Night (2006)

Steve Carell: Michael Scott

Photos 

Quotes 

• Michael Scott : Oh, and another fun thing. We, at the end of the night, are going to give the check to an actual group of Boy Scouts. Right, Toby? We're gonna...

  Toby : Actually, I didn't think it was appropriate to invite children since it's... You know, there's gambling and alcohol, and it's in our dangerous warehouse and it's a school night... And, you know, Hooters is catering. You know, is that enough? Should I keep going?

  Michael Scott : Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.

• Michael Scott : I am no longer your boss. Lady Fortune is your boss.

  Stanley : Will Lady Fortune give me a raise?

  Michael Scott : Shut it, shut it, shut it.

• Michael Scott : There are certain topics that are off-limits to comedians: JFK, AIDS, the Holocaust. The Lincoln Assassination just recently became funny. I need to see this play like I need a hole in the head. And I hope to someday live in a world where a person could tell a hilarious AIDS joke. It's one of my dreams.

• Michael Scott : Okay, you know what? I will not donate my winnings to Comic Relief, since apparently, it doesn't exist. I am going to donate to Afghanistanis with AIDS.

  Jim Halpert : Nope. I think you mean the aid to Afghanistan.

  Michael Scott : No, I mean Afghanistanis with AIDS.

  Phyllis : Afghani.

  Michael Scott : What?

  Phyllis : Afghani.

  Michael Scott : That's a dog.

  Pam Beesley : No, that's Afghan.

  Michael Scott : That's a shawl.

  Dwight Schrute : Wait, canine AIDS?

  Michael Scott : No. Humans with AIDS.

  Creed : Who has AIDS?

  Jim Halpert : Guys, the Afghanistananies.

  Michael Scott : Okay, you know what? No. No. AIDS is not funny. Believe me, I have tried.

• Michael Scott : Hey, Carol, how goes the real estate biz? Is it real good?

  Pam Beesley : It's still me.

• Michael Scott : Jan Levinson, I presume?

  Pam Beesley : It's still me.

• Darryl : [explaining to Michael why he doesn't want fire-eaters in the warehouse for Casino Night]  We just have a lot of stuff down there that could be stolen.

  Michael Scott : That's ironic.

  Darryl : What?

  Michael Scott : That *you* are afraid.

  Darryl : Why? 'Cause I'm from the hood?

  Michael Scott : Dinkin flicka.

  Darryl : [to film crew]  I taught Mike some phrases to help him with his interracial conversations. You know, stuff like, "Fleece it out." "Going mach five." "Dinkin flicka." You know, things us Negroes say.

  Michael Scott : Give me some.

  [Mike and Darryl do choreographed handshake] 

  Darryl : [laughing]  Oh, yeah, I taught him a handshake, too.

• Michael Scott : Two queens on Casino Night. I am going to drop a deuce on everybody.

• Michael Scott : Why are you here?

  Dwight Schrute : When Darryl was coming, you said you wanted me here for protection.

  Michael Scott : Not. I said, not that.

• Michael Scott : Love triangle. Drama. All worked out in the end, though. The hero got the girl. Who saw that coming? I did.

• Michael Scott : [to Toby]  I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.

• Michael Scott : Jan and I understand each other. The romance thing is sort of on hold for the time being, but we've remained good friends. Good friends with privileges. Not now, someday.

• Michael Scott : Comedy's very much alive, as are homeless people.

• Michael Scott : AIDS is not funny. Believe me, I have tried.