Married... with Children (TV Series)

A Dump of My Own (1989)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Al : We don't need the lottery. We have each other.

  Peggy : I want the lottery.

• [Al is building a new bathroom] 

  Steve Rhoades : Al, I don't see any spot marked off for a sink.

  Al : Hey, this is a man's bathroom. You know, when you share a bathroom with a woman, or in my case Peggy, you got nylons hanging on the curtain rod, you got Nair where the toothpaste should be, a bottle of vinegar lying around. I mean, what do they do in there, make a salad? In my bathroom there's only gonna be men's things: Rolaids, Milk of Magnesia, Tums, a spot for my razor.

  Steve Rhoades : Why have a razor if you don't have a sink?

  Al : Oh, it's not for shaving, Steve. It's for peace of mind.

• Al : Why did we buy a house with only one bathroom?

  Peggy : Because all the other houses in our price range were on fire. Except for that lovely house with no kitchen that I wanted.

  Al : Well, we all have our disappointments. I have to sleep with mine.

  Peggy : Is that its new name?

• Al : We all have to live with our disappointments, Peg. Of course, I have to sleep with mine.

• Al : Gee I wish I could figure out what happened to my tools and my copper wiring and my tile and my life and my manhood.

• Bud : Where's Dad?

  Peggy : In the bathroom breaking in his new toilet.

  [Al walks in the living room and sits on the couch] 

  Peggy : How was it, honey?

  Al : I don't know, Peg. I'm constipated. This is the worst day of my life. I wonder if this ever happened to Dad?

  Peggy : Aww, honey. Do you want me to undercook you some chicken?

  Al : No thanks, Peg. It'll take more than raw poultry to fix what's wrong with me.

  [turns on TV] 

  TV Announcer : And now back to the rest of ABC's lineup: "Roseanne" and the Emmy winning "Thirtysomething".

  [Al nods his head, picks up the newspaper and walks back into the bathroom] 

• Al : The toilets today aren't worthy of the name. They come in designer colors and they're too low. When you flush 'em, they make this little weak, almost apologetic sound. Not the Ferguson. It only comes in white and when you flush it, Ba Woosh!