- Al Bundy: Steve, I'm going to give you a gift. A special gift to make you stop thinking about Marcy. I didn't want to do this until it was absolutely necessary, so sit down. Clear your mind. Think of Marcy. Now, take a look at this photo of... my mother-in-law!
- Steve Rhodes: AHHHHHHHHHH!
- Al Bundy: Everybody says that. Yep, look at her in a two-piece bathing suit, bending over at the beach on the shore of Lake Michigan to pick up her sunglasses, the summer of '71. Notice the perspiration peculating in the folds of her stomach. You'll also notice that her upper arms are blurry. Why you ask? Well, there was a breeze and the camera caught them in mid-flap.
- Marcy Rhoades: I will not give up my principles for an hour and a half of pleasure.
- Peggy Bundy: Look, you don't have to give up any... An hour and a half? If you add up all the sex Al and I have ever had, it still doesn't come up to an hour and a half. At least not of pleasure.
- Peggy Bundy: Marcy, let me tell you a little something about men. You see, nature played a very cruel joke on them. It gave them a source of pleasure, but in order for it to work, the blood has to leave the brain. And, you see, it leaves them confused, disoriented, and eager to enter into negotiations.
- Al Bundy: Peg, you know those little brown potatoes that Steve makes? Can you do that?
- Peggy Bundy: Al, you know about making love for an hour and a half like Steve does? Can you do that?
- Al Bundy: Burger King?
- Steve Rhodes: Actually, I was thinking of keeping the beard.
- Marcy Rhoades: Oh, you can, Steve. After you shave, you can keep it in a little box.
- Al Bundy: Well, how did you get the stove to work? Peg said it's been broken for months.
- Steve Rhodes: Nah, I checked it out. Somebody just cut the cord.
- Peggy Bundy: I think I have a picture of Marcy, last summer, washing the car. You know, when she got her t-shirt wet. And you said something about taking her for a little spin, but you didn't use the car. You know, *that* picture.
- Steve Rhodes: I'm shaving, Al. I've never seen a t-shirt that wet.
- Al Bundy: Sit down, Steve.
- Steve Rhodes: I can't, Al.