- Peggy: Al, just call a roofer.
- Al: There. Right there, Peg, is the problem with America. We've lost our spirit of self-reliance. Something's broken, call someone. Something's leaking, call someone. One of the kids suffers a ruptured appendix, call someone. Whatever happened to rugged American manhood?
- Bud: Well we don't know yet, Dad. Kelly's tests haven't come back from the lab yet.
- Kelly: Chew Dad's socks!
- Bud: Eat Mom's food!
- [after Marcy is bitten by a venomous guinea pig]
- Steve Rhodes: Gee, Marcy, you look... fine. Don't you think so, Kelly?
- Kelly: I don't know, I've never really looked at her before.
- Marcy Rhoades: I have a *hump*, you bimbo!
- Kelly: [confused] Didn't you always?
- Peggy: [Al has gone outside to fix the roof] Kids! Hurry, come quick!
- Bud: What is it, Mom? Creditors? Should I boil some water?
- Peggy: No, kids. You know how you are always complaining that your father never does anything with the family? Well, just watch that window and your father has a big surprise for us.
- Peggy: Right about now; three, two, one
- [Al screams and falls past the window, family laughs and claps]
- Peggy: Okay, back to bed, kids.
- Kelly: That was really great. You know, I'm so happy that I'm going to give Daddy his wallet back.
- Bud: But, we're going to keep the money, right?
- Kelly: Well, we didn't see him hit the ground.