- Butt-head: [Beavis and Butthead are both making flatulating sounds with their hands] Hey Beavis, machine gunner.
- Beavis: Oh yeah, I get those.
- Mr. Manners: Excuse me boys, but it's rather rude to make noises and interrupt me... when it's MY turn to talk.
- Butt-head: Uhhh, we were doing this long before you came in sir.
- Beavis: Yeah, you interrupted US. Butthole!
- Butt-head: I bet they put all the stuff that sucks on in the morning, just to, like, get us to go to school.
- [watching the video for 'Longview' by Green Day]
- Beavis: Check it out. He's watching TV.
- Butt-head: Yeah. And it's, like, we're watching TV, so it's, like, we're watching two TVs for the price of one.
- Beavis: Um... What two TVs? I don't understand.
- Butt-head: Beavis, we're watching TV, and then there's another TV *in* the TV.
- Beavis: There's, like, a TV inside the TV? Let's break it open and find it!
- Butt-head: Boy, Beavis. You're stupid.
- Mr. Manners: Manners are an enjoyable way to create a favorable impression with others. I'd like to start off with a fun activity, in which we'll do a little role-playing. Now I'll need a couple of volunteers.
- Butt-head: Uh, pole playing?
- Beavis: Uh, yeah. I can do that!
- Mr. Manners: Ok. But what's the magic word?
- Butt-head: Uh...
- Beavis: Um..."Aggercadabra"?
- Mr. Manners: Now come on, what do you say when you want something?
- Butt-head: Oh. Uh..."Buttwipe"?
- Beavis: Yeah, give me something, buttwipe heh heh. Bunghole. heh heh. "Bunghole"! Heh heh heh heh heh
- Mr. Manners: [to butthead whilst trying to teach the boys about the importance of manners] Listen you little twerp! This is my job! This is how I make money! Don't screw with me! Now how about using some manners?
- Butt-head: Manners suck!
- Beavis: Hey butthead, don't screw with him!
- Butt-head: Yeah, he sure does like to touch!
- Beavis: Yeah, he tried to touch my weiner!
- Mr. Manners: What? You little liar!
- [grabs Beavis]
- Beavis: Back off, you pervert!
- Mr Manners: [picking up Beavis by his shirt collar] He's lying!
- Mr. Van Driessen: [Beavis screams as Mr Van Driessen walks in the room] Hey, don't you dare lay a finger on my students. Beavis, did he hit you?
- Beavis: Heh. Um, yes sir, he did. Thank you for your concern.
- Mr Manners: Why you little dirtball!
- Mr. Van Driessen: You want to touch my students, I'll touch you.
- Mr Manners: I'll get you, you little putz!
- Butt-head: Uh, no thank you, sir.
- Beavis: [class eggs Mr Van Driessen and Mr Manners on] Yeah, thank you that through.
- Mr. Van Driessen: Stop it, you're going to jail, jackass.