- Wishbone: Cookies! Mmmm! Cookie! Alright cookie jar, I will now bring you to me using only the power of my mind. Ready? Come here! The Amazing Wishboni commands you!
- Wishbone: So Nathaniel's my new roommate, huh? That's great. Welcome to my room, just throw your things anywhere...
- [Nathaniel drops his things on the red armchair]
- Wishbone: Um, not there, though, that's my chair. Oh, hey Joe, you don't want to leave that there, at 3 o'clock the sun comes in on that spot so I'll be napping and... No no no, that thing is all wrong for this room, look at the color! It's too blue, it reminds me of water and bath time and ugh, has to go! It's not going to go, is it?
- Nathaniel Bobelesky: This is a list from my mom of everything I'm allergic to by food group. Each allergy has a code number next to it, see?
- Ellen Talbot: Oh, number's here.
- Nathaniel Bobelesky: Right, that's the number for which medicine I should take if I eat or inhale any of those things. Medicine list is on the last page. This addendum has a list of possible but unconfirmed allergies, we're waiting.
- Nathaniel Bobelesky: This addendum has a list of possible but unconfirmed allergies. We're waiting.
- Ellen Talbot: Oh, I see. Great.
- Wishbone: Boy, if you look for sickness, that may be all you find. Maybe Nathaniel needs someone to show him the power of mind over matter. He needs someone like Moliere! Moliere lived in France over 300 years ago and he was the most famous playwright of his time.
- Wishbone: [as Moliere] I am of course, Moliere, the author of the play The Imaginary Invalid. What I have written is farce, that is a comedy to illustrate a point. Speaking of points, I need someone to help me point out the characters, so I have written in my own servant, Toinette. This play concerns me as Argan, who imagines that he's sick. I need to know who really loves me: is it my doctors, Purgon and Fleurant? My second wife, and her lawyer? Or is it my brother and daughter? Let's see!
- Wishbone: [as Argan, gruffly] It's about time! I could've died twice in the time it took you to get here!
- Toinette: Master, I came running as fast as I can. When was the last time you got up and ran?
- Wishbone: It's 8:29, time for my 17th pill! Bring me some water, you fool, and take care not to spill!
- Toinette: Again, Master Argan? You just had your last.
- Wishbone: You dolt! You moron! I'm dying! Make it fast! My heart's palpitating! I've got a stitch!
- Toinette: All you've got is money; you're making poor doctors rich.
- Ellen Talbot: [reciting Nathaniel's medicines] Let's see, cough syrup, cough drops, decongestant, stomach soother, ear drops, eye drops, poison ivy lotion, elastic bandages, inhaler, and a snake-bite kit, just incase we need it.
- Joe Talbot: That's a lot of stuff.
- Nathaniel Bobelesky: Yeah, my mom likes to be ready for a disaster.
- Ellen Talbot: How about a cookie? Oh, I better check the food allergy list.
- Nathaniel Bobelesky: Are they chocolate chip?
- Ellen Talbot: Oatmeal raisin.
- Nathaniel Bobelesky: Should be safe.
- Joe Talbot: So your mom likes to be prepared, huh?
- Ellen Talbot: Well she's just very... thorough.
- Nathaniel Bobelesky: Well, they didn't know it but I had asthma when I was born, and I was really sick. Since then my mom really worries about me.
- Ellen Talbot: Well, I understand; I worry a lot too.
- Joe Talbot: You do?
- Wishbone: What about me? Does anybody worry about my health?
- Ellen Talbot: Of course I do, all parents do; we can't help it. We take care of you, and then someday you may have to take care of us.
- Toinette: Let me ask you one simple thing.
- Wishbone: [as Argan] I am, go ahead!
- Toinette: Master, I hate to bring this up but, are you REALLY sick?
- Wishbone: Am I really sick? Are you dumb, dense or thick? Look at me, Toinette! I'm as sick as a dog! My stomach's a mess and my head's in a fog! I can barely stand up, I can hardly move!
- Toinette: So nothing I say can change you or prove that you are wrong. But if you're really ill, go see a doctor and then pay the bill.
- Belinda Bobelesky: You have a dog!
- Wishbone: How observant.
- Ellen Talbot: Yes, that's Wishbone. Are you scared of dogs?
- Belinda Bobelesky: No, I love dogs. Nice doggy, good boy.
- Wishbone: Oh sure, nice doggy. You can't fool me. You're either a dog person or you're not; she's not.
- Belinda Bobelesky: But Nathaniel is allergic to dogs.
- Joe Talbot: He is?
- Wishbone: He is?
- Nathaniel Bobelesky: I am?
- Belinda Bobelesky: Yes!
- Nathaniel Bobelesky: [looks over allergy list] Mom, I don't see dogs anywhere.
- Belinda Bobelesky: What? But you are very, very, very allergic to dogs; that's why we don't have one. They make it impossible for him to breathe. The hair aggravates his sinuses and they give him hives.
- Wanda Gilmore: Oh and what about dander? You should see him scratch, great clouds of dander everywhere.
- Wishbone: A few flakes, is that a crime?
- Belinda Bobelesky: I don't know how I could've forgotten.
- Wishbone: Oh, come on, Nathaniel, you don't believe that, do you? You're not allergic to me, I'm one of those new non-allergenic dogs.
- [Nathaniel sneezes]
- Wishbone: That wasn't a sneeze! He said CUTE, he thinks I'm CUTE!
- [Nathaniel sneezes again]
- Wishbone: I'm not making Nathaniel sick, his mother is! Just like Argan's wife in The Imaginary Invalid.
- Joe Talbot: If only there was a way to prove to Nathaniel that some of his problems might be in his imagination.
- Sam Kepler: What're you talking about?
- Joe Talbot: He was playing with Wishbone all afternoon and he was fine. It wasn't until his mom came and told him that he was allergic to Wishbone that he started getting sick.
- Wishbone: I think it's time to convince Nathaniel that's he not as sick as he thinks he is. Although, convincing someone that they're okay isn't always easy.
- Wishbone: [as Argan] Yes, I am.
- Beralde: No, you're not.
- Wishbone: Yes, I am.
- Beralde: No, you're not! Dear brother, there is a word for what you've got; it's called health, and you've got plenty of it. All those pills you take, your doctors must love it. You're fine!
- Wishbone: No, I'm not!
- Beralde: Yes, you are!
- Ellen Talbot: Goodnight, Wishbone. It's only for one more day, boy.
- Wishbone: [locked in the study] Oh only one more day, great, nothing wrong with spending TWO days in prison, for a crime I didn't commit! I'm innocent I tell you, innocent!
- Wishbone: [as Argan] In case I ever do become unwell, I'll become my own doctor. Toinette, sound the bell! It's wedding time now and this doctor prescribes lots of food, lots of dancing, and lots of good vibes!
- Nathaniel Bobelesky: [sees Wishbone] There's a dog in my bed.
- Wishbone: Yeah, well, your breath isn't so great in the morning either, pal.
- Joe Talbot: Nathaniel, listen to me, I don't know how Wishbone got out, but you slept with him all night and you feel fine!
- Nathaniel Bobelesky: I... I feel fine?
- Joe Talbot: So maybe you're a little healthier than your mom thinks you are.
- Wishbone: Ah. Look deep into my eyes, Nathaniel. You are totally under my power. Now, listen closely: feed the dog. Feeeeed the dooog. Hm. You're not hypnotized, are you? All right - looks like we'll have to do it the old-fashioned way.
- [gets on his hind legs]
- Wishbone: Oh, pleee-eeeease! Please look at the cute doggie, give him some cookies. Please please please please please please pleeease!
- Nathaniel Bobelesky: [giving him one] Here ya go, Wishbone.
- Wishbone: It's cheap but it works.
- Wishbone: [as Argan] Why, what's the matter, then, Angelique, sweetie? Your face isa ll pale, and your eyes are all beady. I'm the sick one here; let's keep that in mind.
- Wishbone: Think of all the things I do for you. I catch your tennis ball; I catch your Frisbee. I finish, his dinner!
- Wishbone: [unties the leash's other end from the tree but gets tangled up in the process] Ta-da! Help.
- Wishbone: Have a great time staying at *my* house. Help yourself to anything you want - the chew-toys, the kibble... anything. Really.
- Wishbone: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Your applause is most welcome. But if anyone feels like throwing us some - porkchops, I don't mind.