- Eric Murphy: He's already started to learn Spanish.
- Ari Gold: I know, he's left 15 messages on the machine. The wife thinks I'm fucking the gardener.
- Ari Gold: [on the phone with E] Where are you? It sounds like you're getting fucked with a jackhammer.
- Sarah Gold: $10 in the curse jar, daddy.
- Eric Murphy: I'm test driving a new car.
- Ari Gold: Matchbox or Hot Wheels?
- Ari Gold: When my father gave away my car, I was forced to lose my virginity on the back of a moped.
- Ari Gold: [to his maid] It's all right, you keep an ear out. You've got a big gift for Navidad coming, okay?
- Ari Gold: Noah can build an ark and save all of God's creatures in 40 days. He can't shoot a movie in 65?
- Paul Haggis: In this movie I'd like you to play what I call a human being. You see, together I want to humanize one of the greatest monsters of all time. What I want is that even after the audience sees you ruthlessly slaughter, like, a thousand people, I still want them to care. I want them to care so much, that when you die they fuckin' weep. They won't want to, they'll hate themselves for it, but they will fucking weep.
- Vincent Chase: I have to do this movie.
- Eric: Paul, he's got a contract.
- Paul Haggis: A contract? Oh, if I let contracts run my life I'd still be doing The Facts of Life rather then hangin' with my boys.
- [Indicates his trophy case]