- Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, how is your dear wife the charming and delightful Frau General?
- General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: In the first place my wife is neither delightful or charming. In the second place this isn't a social visit, its official.
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: What are you waiting for? Cut the wire.
- Col. Robert E. Hogan: That's the problem. One of these wires disconnects the fuse, the other one fires the bomb. Which one would you cut, Shultz?
- Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: Don't ask me, this is a decision for an officer.
- Col. Robert E. Hogan: All right. Which wire, Colonel Klink?
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: This one.
- [points to the white wire]
- Col. Robert E. Hogan: You're sure?
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: Yes.
- Col. Robert E. Hogan: [Cuts the black wire, the bomb stops ticking]
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: If you knew which wire it was, why did you ask me?
- Col. Robert E. Hogan: I wasn't sure which was the right one, but I was certain you'd pick the wrong one.
- Col. Robert E. Hogan: [while taking parts out of the real bomb during the defusing, thinking that this is a fake bomb] Carter Manufacturing Company has outdone themselves.