- Mike Hamar: [Displays a drive-in speaker at a 1950s memorabilia auction] As you can see, gentlemen, this is an authentic drive-in movie speaker. It dates all the way back to the '50s.
- Red Green: Where'd you get that?
- Mike Hamar: At the Possum Lake Drive-In Theatre.
- Red Green: You got that in the '50s?
- Mike Hamar: No, I got it on Saturday night. But it is old and there was a movie from the '50s playing there at the time: "The Ten Commandments".
- Red Green: I guess you left before they got to "Thou shalt not steal."
- Mike Hamar: Look, I know we all like to kid about my criminal records, but, Mr. Green, I'm actually a little hurt. I did not steal this speaker! I just had to leave in a hurry and I forgot it was still stuck in the window. Honest!
- Red Green: What was the big rush?
- Mike Hamar: The car's owner was coming back from the snack bar.
- Red Green: [reciting the Man's Prayer with the other lodge members, as the storm rages outside] I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess.
- Red Green: [loud crack of thunder sounds, and all the lights go out, causing Red to wonder if "the man upstairs" is mad with him] Hey! I SAID I'd CHANGE!
- Red Green: [panting and bent over in pain from having climbed several flights of stairs] This building was designed by a MORON, Harold! The elevator only goes to the nineteenth floor!
- Harold Green: [giggling] You got on the wrong elevator! Some of them only GO to the nineteenth floor! The others go from twenty on up!
- Red Green: [still out of breath and disgusted] Well, I still say that there's a moron involved SOMEWHERE in this situation!
- Harold Green: [quietly, stifling a fresh outbreak of giggles] Well, I won't argue with you on that one...
- Red Green: [unable to figure out how to use Harold's complicated office-phone with its many buttons] You know, Harold, the telephone was invented a hundred and thirty years ago - - I'd have thought they'd have it working by now.
- Harold Green: [after going through a long "tech-talk" spiel about what some of the phone's twelve different lines are for] ... and if you want an outside line, that's lines one-thru-five, you have to dial "9" to get out.
- Red Green: Do you HEAR yourself, Harold? I just wanna make a phone call - - you're reciting four pages out of the SPACE SHUTTLE SERVICE MANUAL...! What's goin' on, Harold? Is it me?
- Harold Green: [reluctantly nodding with a helpless smile] Well, you know, you're in the big city now, Uncle Red - - you've gotta embrace technology... you don't do that much, you know.
- Red Green: I embrace Aunt Bernice, Harold. And that sure beats reverse-osmosis, I'll tell ya!
- Red Green: [Mike and Dalton are warning Red about the impending hurricane] We don't get hurricanes here. We're too far from the ocean, okay? We get a fair bit of wind, but that's because we're so close to Port Asbestos, and it SUCKS!
- Red Green: How's it coming with my van, Dale?
- Dale: All finished, Mr. Green. I put a drop of oil on your horn relay. Your horn was sticking.
- Red Green: [somewhat incredulous] Yeah, I know. I LIKE it sticking. That way I can let morons know what I think of them, and still keep both hands on the wheel.
- Dale: [a little sorrowfully] Your generation is so confrontational.
- Red Green: No, we're not! I mean, doesn't YOUR generation ever lean on the horn?
- Dale: No, mostly I just use it to say hi. You know, "Beep, beep! How's it going, buddy?"
- Red Green: [exasperated tone] Dale, a horn is not for saying HELLO, it's for saying, "Get the hell outta the way!" Like this...
- [Red honks the horn twice, long and loud]
- Dale: [remonstratingly] You're holding it for two whole notes, Mr. Green. See, if you just play two quarter notes, like this...
- [reaches through the driver's window and presses the horn button briefly twice]
- Dale: ...it sounds cheerful. You should try it; it'll be cool.
- Red Green: [a bit sarcastically, indicating that he isn't buying it] Oh, I definitely wanna be cool, Dale. That's a top priority with me.
- [starts the van]
- Dale: Well, I still think you should give it a try, Mr. Green. You never know, you might surprise yourself.
- Red Green: [appeasingly, but still with a faintly sarcastic overtone] Yeah, well, why don't I just do that, Dale, and you have yourself a RAINBOW DAY.
- [Red starts to drive off, then leans on the horn in earnest, blasting a REALLY loud and long honk, as Dale winces at the awful racket]