Leave It to Beaver (TV Series)

Substitute Father (1961)

Jerry Mathers: The Beaver

Photos 

Quotes 

• Theodore Cleaver : [Beaver's teacher asks for a parent conference to discuss Beaver's use of bad language, but Ward is out of town, so Beaver writes a note that he hopes will do the trick instead]  "Dear Miss Landers: We are all shocked by what The Beaver said, especially my wife, who is a lady. I have washed his mouth out with soap and have beat him up three times. I hope because I have done this so good, I won't have to come down to school. Yours truly, Ward Cleaver, Theodore's father."

• Theodore Cleaver : [after hearing Beaver use a bad word in school, Miss Landers sent home a note asking a parent to come in with Beaver; he and Wally are trying to convince her to accept Wally as a substitute]  Well sure, Miss Landers. Last year, when I was a little kid, Wally caught me horsing around in Sunday school, and he told me how it was God's house, and people would think I came from a home where nobody had any respect for anything. He told me so good, I never did it again!

  Wallace 'Wally' Cleaver : Yeah, Miss Landers, and I told him on the way over here about using bad words, and how guys are only judged by what they say and what they do, and he could really understand it. Well, what I mean is, he's got that 'little kid' expression on his face all the time, but he's really not as goofy as he looks.

• Wallace 'Wally' Cleaver : [Ward, who is leaving on a business trip, has just had a private talk with Wally outside, instructing him to be the man of the house in his absence; Wally comes back inside]  Mom, do you have the phone number at my high school?

  June Cleaver : Well I think so, why?

  Wallace 'Wally' Cleaver : Well, in case you fall down the stairs and break your leg or something, you can call me.

  June Cleaver : Oh.

  Theodore Cleaver : [Wally moves close to Beaver and inspects him]  What's the matter with you?

  Wallace 'Wally' Cleaver : Get upstairs and clean out your ears, you little pig!

  [Beaver ascends the stairs while staring at Wally in disbelief]