Psych (TV Series)

Spellingg Bee (2006)

James Roday Rodriguez: Shawn Spencer

Quotes 

• Gus : Shawn, this misplaced malevolence you have for the spelling bee is getting monotonous. Stop hating on the Bee. I'm sorry, ma'am; I do apologize for his inappropriate virulence.

  Shawn Spencer : Why are you using all these big ass words all the sudden?

  Gus : I'm not doing that. That's preposterous.

• Shawn Spencer : What if I do the talking for both of us?

  Juliet O'Hara : Have at it! Do you mind if I read the paper and stare aimlessly out the window while you two talk?

  Shawn Spencer : [laughs]  No. Can I get a name to work with?

  Juliet O'Hara : Juliet.

  Shawn Spencer : Well, it's very nice to meet you, Juliet.

  Shawn Spencer : [high-pitched voice]  It's nice to meet you too, Shawn, and I'm sorry about your seat, so lunch is on me. So what do you do for a living?

  Shawn Spencer : [own voice]  Oh, I do a little bit of everything.

  Shawn Spencer : [high-pitched voice]  Oh, that sounds interesting, and maybe a little bit dangerous. Ooh, I like your jacket! I like it a...

  Juliet O'Hara : Okay, can I stop you there? First off, in your portrayal of me, I sound like I'm in eighth grade.

  Shawn Spencer : Well, in my portrayal of you, you only have an eighth grade education.

  Juliet O'Hara : [laughs]  Ha.

  Shawn Spencer : All right, I'll smarten you up. Uh... college, yeah? Top of your class, graduated early? Got it.

  Shawn Spencer : [mature female voice]  I'm new to town and I don't know many people.

  [Shawn Vision of cat hairs on Juliet's shoe] 

  Shawn Spencer : [mature female voice]  But I do know my cats. Two of them. The gray one's very affectionate. The white one makes me work much, much harder for the attention.

  Shawn Spencer : [own voice]  And what about your family?

  [Shawn Vision of family photo in Juliet's purse] 

  Shawn Spencer : [mature female voice]  My family's amazing. My parents have been together for... what is it, thirty years now?

  Juliet O'Hara : [startled]  Okay... do we know each other?

  Shawn Spencer : Yes. You're the girl who stole my seat.

• Shawn Spencer : Give me a word.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : A word?

  Shawn Spencer : Yeah. Something hard, but something you can spell.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : I can spell anything!

  Shawn Spencer : Except "aggiornamento".

• Gus : He's been the Spellmaster for 14 years; he's a legend.

  Shawn Spencer : Wow, he sits up there all by himself in a fancy box. What is he, the Phantom of the Opera?

• Shawn Spencer : [holding a bag of Chinese food]  I need to know what this is.

  Henry Spencer : Looks like a number 15 with chicken.

  Shawn Spencer : [affectionately]  Dad, you made a joke.

• Shawn Spencer : Still studying, huh?

  Mother : Oh, she loves it. Won't put that thing down.

  Shawn Spencer : Well, kudos on the child rearing. Let me know how the therapy goes.

  Mother : Huh?

• Shawn Spencer : [Shawn yells as he hits his leg on a desk] 

  Gus : Shh!

  Shawn Spencer : I'm so sorry if my agonizing pain is inconveniencing you.

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : [on the spelling bee]  And it teaches grace under pressure. Poise. Dignity.

  Shawn Spencer : All things you can get at a hot dog eating competition, plus... hot dogs.

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : See, the problem is that butyraceous is clearly a round one word.

  Shawn Spencer : Oh God, stop talking! I'd like to pretend we still have things in common, Gus.

• [having locked out the real Spellmaster, Shawn is forced to take over his role] 

  Shawn Spencer : Banana.

  Speller 118 : Can you repeat that?

  Shawn Spencer : Yes. Ba-NA-na.

  Gus : [whispering]  "Banana", Shawn? It's the third round.

  Shawn Spencer : [whispering]  You could have helped me.

  Gus : [whispering]  This is a dead end, Shawn. We're walking.

  [they start to leave the booth] 

  Speller 118 : Definition, please.

  Shawn Spencer : [to himself]  What...?

  Shawn Spencer : [into the microphone]  A yellow fruit. Also, a kind of pudding. A delicious pudding.

  Speller 118 : Sentence, please.

  Shawn Spencer : [annoyed]  Anna Banana would like to hear "Venus" by Bananarama. Banana!

  Speller 118 : B-A-N-A-N-A. Banana.

• Gus : Don't eat it!

  Shawn Spencer : Do I look like an idiot?

  [bags the food] 

  Gus : What, you're taking some to go?

  Shawn Spencer : Yes, for the road. In case later on I get hungry enough to eat something that might be poisoned!

• Shawn Spencer : I know who killed Elvin Cavanaugh.

  Karen Vick : Can't he just tell us to arrest someone?

  Juliet O'Hara : He does this a lot?

  Karen Vick , Carlton Lassiter : Yes!

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : You don't smell that?

  Shawn Spencer : I don't smell anything.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : That's because you don't have the Super Smeller!

  Shawn Spencer : Gus, you have got to stop calling your nose the "Super Smeller." If you want to nickname a body part, nickname your butt, man! Call it the "Tightbouncer" or the "Hexagon." Ladies are going to dig that, I'm telling you.

• Shawn Spencer : Excuse me, you're in my seat.

  Juliet O'Hara : Am I?

  Shawn Spencer : Actually, yes, you are.

  Juliet O'Hara : Are you one of those weirdo compulsives who come to the same restaurant, sit in the same chair, and eat the same food every day?

  Shawn Spencer : Uh, no... no no. I was sitting right there three minutes ago, and then I went outside to get myself a paper. I ordered a juice, and... look, I made a crawling snake with the straw wrapper. You can finish it if you think you're up to the job.

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : For your information, Shawn, I watch the SBC's every year.

  Shawn Spencer : Okay, for your sake and mine, stop giving the Spelling Bee hip little nicknames!

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : You're using his grocery list!

  Shawn Spencer : You refused to help me. Now I've got to give them something else.

  [into the microphone] 

  Shawn Spencer : Mitchum.

  Speller : "Mitchum"?

  Shawn Spencer : Yes. When I go to Albertson's, I need to buy some Mitchum Ice Blast... and bananas.

• Gus : Do you know how to spell any of these words?

  Shawn Spencer : Proudly, I have never heard of any of these words. I file these words under "Things to say when I want to be ridiculed or kicked out of bed."

• Juliet O'Hara : Okay, Shawn, I'm gonna need you to do me a favor.

  Shawn Spencer : Name it.

  Juliet O'Hara : Duck!

  [pulls gun as other officers enter and arrest a suspect] 

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : [on the spelling bee]  It's on Sports Cal2, for your information. And it's hosted by Bud Collins.

  Shawn Spencer : Really? Did they bump the car washing championships for this? And is it over soon, because I'd like to get back to the wood carving finals.

• Gus : [after Shawn locks the Spellmaster out of the building while he's smoking]  You can't do that to him!

  Shawn Spencer : Gus, he has to learn some time that smoking is bad for him.

• Shawn Spencer : [to Lassiter]  Dude, what is your glitch?

• Shawn Spencer : [about his eighth grade doghouse]  It's creepy that you kept this!

• Shawn Spencer : Not to belittle this guy's life, but this just got more interesting than the wood carving contest.

• Shawn Spencer : Kids - high school kids especially, they're just ruthless, judgmental, horrible little bastards.

• Gus : [about the Spelling Bee]  I tried to get tickets, but you've got to know somebody.

  Shawn Spencer : Somebody lame.

• Shawn Spencer : My visions enslave me. I'm like a slave to my visions.

• Gus : [about the Spelling Bee]  This thing has been sold out for weeks!

  Shawn Spencer : I can see why. It moves so fast. It's like hockey with words.