- SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh magic conch shell, what do we need to do to get out of the Kelp Forest?
- [pulls string]
- Magic Conch: Nothing.
- Patrick Star: The shell has spoken!
- Squidward: [to Magic Conch] Could I have something to eat?
- Magic Conch: No.
- Squidward: Could I have something to eat?
- Magic Conch: No.
- Squidward: Could I have something to eat?
- Magic Conch: No.
- Squidward: Can't you say anything else but no?
- Magic Conch: Try asking again.
- Squidward: Could I have something to eat?
- Magic Conch: [insulting, sarcastic tone] No.
- Squidward: I order the food, you cook the food. We do that for 40 years, and then we die. That seems like a good deal to me, what do you say?
- [talking about wild horse he found]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: She seems mysterious, so I'll call her Mystery. Come to think of it, she also seems graceful and majestic. Maybe I should call her Grace, or Majesty, or Debbie.
- SpongeBob: Mystery got a belly ache from eating too many krabby patties, so I made her a bicarbonate of soda.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Mystery, you ate my hat.
- [Mystery burps out half-eaten spatula]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Mystery, you ate my spatula! You ate all the Krabby Patties! You ate the stove! You ate old man Jenkins!
- Old Man Jenkins: [from inside Mystery] I don't want to be a burden.
- Mr. Krabs: Ahh! A monster, scaring away me customers!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: That's no monster, Mr. Krabs. That's my seahorse. She's my friend. I call her Mystery.
- Mr. Krabs: You're a mystery, SpongeBob.
- Squidward: Magic Conch, uh, I was wondering... uh, should I have the spaghetti or the turkey?
- Magic Conch: Neither.
- Squidward: Oh. Then how about the soup?
- Magic Conch: I don't think so.
- Squidward: Could I have anything to eat?
- Magic Conch: No.
- Squidward: No? What do you mean "no"? I'm starving here!
- Patrick Star: [taking Magic Conch] Here, let me try. Magic Conch, could Squidward have some of this yummy, delicious, super-terrific sandwich?
- Magic Conch: No.
- Patrick Star: Hmm... Could *I* have this yummy, delicious, super-terrific sandwich?
- Magic Conch: Yes.
- Patrick Star: All right!
- [inhales the sandwich in one gulp like a vacuum]
- Patrick Star: Sorry, Squidward.
- Mr. Krabs: [takes out his eyes to see if his vision is bad, cleans them] So! My eyes *are* correct! You still have that horse after I ordered you to get rid of it! Well, now, I'm gonna get rid of it once and for all!
- Dude Fish: [seeing Mystery, mistaking the seahorse for a ride] Hey, look! Mr. Krabs put in a kiddie ride.
- Hillbilly Fish: Why don't you try it out?
- Dude Fish: [takes a quarter] I can't find the coin slot. Here it is!
- [Mystery whinnies in pain and bucks the Dude Fish into the horizon where he explodes into a mushroom cloud]
- Hillbilly Fish: YAHH! Help! Kiddie ride on the loose!
- Mr. Krabs: What was that?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: I was just doing my impression of Mystery. Wee-snaw.
- Mr. Krabs: Well, keep working on it. That was terrible.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Good morning, Squidward. Lovely spring day, isn't it?
- Squidward: Hmph.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Have you said hello to the flowers today?
- Squidward: Hello.
- [the flowers hiss at Squidward; he shrieks and runs back inside]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: I didn't know Squidward had hay fever. I shall do him a kindness and plant some hypoallergenic flowers.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Magic Conch Shell, will I ever get married?
- Magic Conch: Maybe someday.
- SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star: [giggle] Ooh!