- TV Narrator: [Squidward turns on the television, only to see a documentary about boxes] It is here that the boxes reach their final stage of assembly.
- Old Man Jenkins: [channel changes to Old Man Jenkins in an Austrian accent] The equation is illustrated here by this box.
- Nat Peterson: [channel changes to a soap opera] I couldn't afford a present this year, so I got you this box.
- Abigail Marge: That's what I got *you!*
- Squidward: [increasingly frustrated] Isn't there anything on that isn't about *boxes?*
- News Anchor: [channel changes to boxing match] And welcome back to Championship Boxing!
- Squidward: I guess this is OK. I mean, it's not really about boxes.
- [the bell rings and two boxes go at each other]
- Squidward: I give up.
- Squidward: Let me get this straight. You two bought a big screen television just so you could play in the box?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Pretty smart, huh?
- Patrick: I thought it wouldn't work.
- Mr. Krabs: We've been duped!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: *Duped*!
- Mr. Krabs: Bamboozled!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: We've been smeckledorfed!
- Mr. Krabs: That's not even a word and I agree with ya!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: But Mister Krabs, there's no reason to worry. The Krusty Krab is the most perfect place in the universe.
- Mr. Krabs: You really haven't got any brains at all, have you, son?
- Mr. Krabs: Look at him suffer! Ha ha ha ha!
- News Anchor: We interrupt your laughter at other people's expense to bring you this news flash!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: You're right, Mr. Krabs. I'm guilty. I'll never survive in prison. They'll mop up the floor with me!
- Policeman Inside Box: Attention! We have you surrounded! Come out with your hands up!
- Squidward: What do they want with me? What did I do?
- [gasps]
- Squidward: Obviously I violated some new box kicking law!
- [walks out of his house showing the green box]
- Squidward: Look, officers, everything's okay. I won't do it again!
- Criminal Inside Box: You'll never take me alive, coppers!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward, we don't need television! Not as long as we have our imaginaaaaaaaation!
- Mr. Krabs: [barricades the freezer] There is no ice! There's never been any ice. Ice is just a myth.
- Cop #2: Step aside. You people act like you've committed a murder.
- Mr. Krabs: Okay, I'll confess. Spongebob killed him!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: What? You can't pin this whole rap on me!
- Mr. Krabs: He was insane. Out of control! He would've killed me too if you hadn't come along.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: It was all Mr. Krabs' idea.
- Mr. Krabs: Put him down now! He's a mad dog!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: He wears curlers to bed!
- Mr. Krabs: Wait! It's not what you think!
- Squidward: [after thinking Spongebob and Patrick made all those realistic noises using a tape recorder] Alright, where is it?
- Patrick: [pops out of Squidward's little green box] Here I am.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Where's what, Squidward?
- Squidward: Don't where's what Squidward me! Where's that tape recorder?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: We don't have a tape recorder, Squidward.
- Squidward: Don't we don't have a tape recorder Squidward me!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: But we don't.
- Patrick: We do have a tape recorder box.