- Major John D. MacGillis: I had an old-fashioned upbringing.
- Polly Cooper: [a Big Sarcastic] Nuh-uh!
- Major John D. MacGillis: My old man was strict, but he always gave me a choice. Every night, he'd say, "Son, do you wanna do your homework, or do you want me to break your arm?"
- Polly Cooper: Total obedience. What does that child become?
- Major John D. MacGillis: A General if I'm lucky.
- Polly Cooper: Mac, I am raising civilians.
- Major John D. MacGillis: [Pointing to the 15 pages of questions from her children] No, you're raising C.I.A.