Everybody Hates Chris (TV Series)

Everybody Hates Promises (2006)

Chris Rock: Narrator

Quotes 

• Chris : Hey, Greg!

  Greg Wuliger : "Hey, Greg"? Did you see the school paper?

  Chris : We have a school paper?

  Narrator : Bush wasn't the first president who didn't read the paper.

  [Greg hands Chris a copy of the school paper] 

  Chris : What did I lie about?

  Greg Wuliger : Apparently, you lied about everything.

  Narrator : The last true thing I said was, "My name is Chris and I'm running for president."

  Chris : I didn't mean any of that stuff. Caruso stole my speech. He's no better than me.

  Greg Wuliger : Yeah, but he didn't win. Now you're stuck with all those campaign promises.

  Chris : All presidents lie to get elected. What do they do?

  Greg Wuliger : Distraction. They just force the press to cover other more benign issues until the public loses interest in the story.

  Chris : Maybe we should ignore the problem till it goes away.

  Greg Wuliger : I was thinking more like setting the cafeteria on fire, but we'll try it your way first.

• Narrator : My father and Michael didn't get along because whatever my father said, my uncle said the opposite.

  Julius : [When Julius and Michael are at a car dealership]  I like the Ford.

  Michael : I like the Chevy.

  Julius : [When Julius and Michael are at an art museum]  I wanna look at Picasso.

  Michael : I wanna look at Matisse.

  Julius : [When Julius and Michael are drinking beer]  Hmm. Tastes great!

  Michael : Less filling.

• Julius : [to Chris]  You all right?

  Chris : Yeah. I'm just having some problems at school.

  Narrator : You're president. What kind of problems could you have?

  Chris : I made some campaign promises that I can't deliver, so now they want to impeach me.

  Julius : That's what you get.

  Chris : What?

  Julius : How'd you like it if I said I was gonna do something for you and didn't do it?

  Chris : Okay, so then what should I do?

  Julius : I don't know. I didn't promise to tell you what to do, but you got yourself in this mess. Whatever happens, happens, but it's your responsibility.

  Narrator : My father didn't believe in making promises which was tough for him because they were free.

• Chris : Being class president is a little bit harder than I thought.

  Michael : You gotta pay the cost to be the boss.

  Rochelle : I know that's right. Y'all listen to your uncle.

  Narrator : She didn't say that when he told us to invest our money in parachute pants.

• Mrs. Milone : The point is, Chris, the students run the student government, and they can do what they want.

  Chris : And I can't do anything.

  Mrs. Milone : That's not true. Maybe you can talk them into letting you stay in office.

  Ms. Morello : That's a good idea. Give another one of those speeches. But if I can make a suggestion. Maybe this time, you should try rhyming.

  [does a little dance] 

  Narrator : Maybe you should try Prozac.

• Chris : [while reading the school paper]  "Heist By Class President Foiled as Impeachment Looms"?

  Greg Wuliger : [to Lisa]  This is outrageous!

  Chris : How are you going to call me a liar? You're the liar. I'm not guilty. They found the real guys five minutes later.

  Lisa : I had a deadline. School was out in an hour and a half.

  Chris : You couldn't wait 30 minutes to find out whether your story was true or not?

  Lisa : You're the class president. This is the news. We wouldn't have printed it if you hadn't exhibited a pattern of behavior.

  Chris : What pattern?

  Narrator : Maybe I was guilty.

  Greg Wuliger : [to Lisa]  You're supposed to be a journalist. You can't in good conscience let this stand without printing a retraction. He's gonna lose his office.

  Lisa : I promise I'll print a retraction.

  [walks off] 

  Greg Wuliger : [to Chris]  What are you gonna do?

  Chris : I don't know. What can I do?

• Narrator : After talking to Greg, I imagined what my father would say to me.

  Julius : [to Chris]  So you just gonna quit, huh? All these people who made it possible for you to become the first black class president, and now you just gonna quit?

  Tuskegee Airman : Yeah. And what if we quit? Black people would never have become pilots.

  Aunt Jemima Chef : If I had quit, pancakes would taste like crap.

  Cream of Wheat Chef : If I had quit, Cream of Wheat would've been called "Cream of White!"

  Uncle Ben Chef : If I had quit, it would take hours to cook rice.

• Greg Wuliger : [to Chris]  Well, we had a good run and we made history.

  Chris : Yeah, I know. I was the first class president ever to be impeached.

  Greg Wuliger : I wonder who's going to replace you.

  Chris : Probably Dipaolo.

  Greg Wuliger : Great. We're gonna have an idiot for president.

  Narrator : Who knew Greg could see into the future?