User Reviews

This was my first venture into parody-porn. Being familiar with The Da Vinci Code, I wanted to see how they handled it.

Don't worry, they don't distract you with a lot of mysticism.

The basic story is that the Priory of Semen has collected semen from great men through the ages. That leaves George Bush out, as they manage to say in the movie. Somehow they missed Leonardo Da Vinci, as he was allegedly of a different sexual orientation. But, never fear, modern technology has provided a means to collect his semen. This was some really creative thinking on the part of the writer!

So, what do you get to see amongst all this?

Dr. Nadia Saint (Missy Monroe) instructs her college sex class on how to collect semen using two student volunteers.

A hooker (Tory Lane) distracts the museum curator so that the dastardly deed can be accomplished.

Using her new found knowledge that men's minds can be read by grabbing their penis, Det. Jane Rosello (Haley Paige) manages to find the location of the Priory in time to see the Prioress (Eva Angelina) and all the girls engaging in a big female gang bang.

Funny and very interesting.

Not a lot to be said about the movie, you know what you are getting into. I have to say it was entertaining having read the "Code" book and seen that movie. The parody was pulled off really well and some of the writing was pretty decent. All in all, a pretty entertaining movie for an adult feature. Better than almost everything else I have seen in recent years. I'd recommend it.

The sex scenes were fairly straight forward. The only group action was all women, at the end of the movie. I found it a little odd that the "prioress" and some of the members were not included in the movie up until this final scene, but that is hardly something you can be too picky about.

Jerome Tanner brings his usual odd touches to this rather weak Hustler riff on the hit book/movie, typical porn-parody trash. Stars Evan Stone and Haley Paige tackle the challenge of reciting endless mumbo jumbo from screenwriter Nelson X, a case where fast-forwarding can be forgiven.

Paige is a cop partnered with Frank Bukkwyd, investigating a murder of the Louvre curator played by Claudio Meloni, who's visiting L.A. with an exhibition. The hit man is James Deen, later killed by some jail-bait minions of his employers, an ancient female cult that worships semen.

This rather unfunny nonsense (Nelson's jokes fall flat dozens of times in succession) is a variation on the prevalent cock-worship that has made XXX porn anethema to a large swath of its potential audience, who opt for the crap that's left of soft-core Cinema, shown on pay-cable channels to insomniacs.

The gals, whose leader is Eva Angelina in a non-speaking (but lesbian humping) role, have been humping "great men" over the centuries in order to obtain their spunk, preserved for procreating other great offspring. The details of this gibberish are meant to be amusing but lack any semblance of wit. Typically, a recitation of the "great men" so preserved and exalted reads Newton, Botticelli, Hugo and Jerome Tanner - hardy har har.

The climactic six-girl lesbian orgy, staged like one of those '70s Satanic rituals with hooded & cloaked cultists, oddly presages a current lesbian orgy from the Stills & Mills in team that is the climax of their feature "The Faces of Alice". I'm fairly certain this is mere coincidence.

Paige is sexy and her character is set up in a trick ending for a sequel, but the Part 2 release by Tanner through Hustler is more a remake than a followup, with Nautica Thorn taking over the lead role as Dr. Nadia Saint, played here rather poorly by Missy Monroe. Saint is posited as an ex-FBI profiler turned professor of a sort of worship of the male orgasm. Fantasy element is extremely lame, concerning "Clairvoyance of the Cock" (I kid you not) whereby Paige can hallucinate at the point of money shot, a cheap excuse for flashback.

Unknown Hustler girls like Jasmine Tame, Joey Hart and Michelle Maylene flesh out the cast, with Maylene credited as "Call Girl" in the end crawl, a typically sloppy listing that was meant to read "Cult Girl". The great Tory Lane makes up for the casting shortcomings, while a very young Charlotte Stokley doesn't seem promising (yet her career is going strong long after her teammates are kaput) dressed up in a schoolgirl outfit.