- Announcer: The Love Boat Runs Aground on Fantasy Island will not be seen in order that we may bring you the following holiday season replacement.
- Kevin Kubusheskie: Hey, wait a minute. There's only two bunks here and there's three of us.
- Camp Counselor: Well, don't worry. That'll be looked after VERY soon.
- Kevin Kubusheskie: All right. You're gonna get us another bunk, right?
- Camp Counselor: No-no-no-no. It won't be long until one of you dies of food poisoning, drowns in the lake, steps into the poison ivy or gets eaten by one of the alligators in the swamp.
- Ross Ewich: [having found Christine at the beach and bringing along the studio crew] Cue intro.
- Christine McGlade: Forget it, Ross. I'm on vacation. And if I told everyone that this week's show was about vacations, with comedy sketches about summer camp and some of those reverse jokes and kids' views on vacations, then that would be work - and, I told you, I'm on vacation.
- Ross Ewich: Okay, that's about as much as we're gonna get outta that young lady today. Cut it. Print.
- Christine McGlade: Wait a second! Wait! Wadda you mean "print?"
- Ross Ewich: Well, you just did the intro to the show.
- Christine McGlade: O... Oh, well. That's okay. Then I'll get paid for it.
- Ross Ewich: Oh, no, you don't, young lady. You... are on... vacation.
- Christine McGlade: Ah, Kevin, surfing, I see. You know, the... surfing is the kind of sport that separates the men from the boys.
- Kevin Kubusheskie: Ah, you bet.
- Christine McGlade: So where are all the MEN surfing?
- Kevin Kubusheskie: Christine, are you doing anything when the sun goes down tonight?
- Christine McGlade: Oh. No, why?
- Kevin Kubusheskie: I didn't think so.
- Alasdair Gillis: Hey, Martin, do you think we could make a surfboard?
- Martin Kerr: Oh, sure. Alls we have to do is find ourselves a rustic, medieval peasant and make him listen to Howard Cosell.
- Kevin Kubusheskie: [carrying a surfboard with a huge bite mark out of it] I just got attacked by a shark. Thought you said this was supposed to be a safe beach.
- Christine McGlade: Well, it IS a safe beach. I don't see any sharks on the beach. Oh, you must have gone in the water.
- Zilch: You know, I'll never understand why you guys come in here EVERY DAY?
- Kevin Kubusheskie: Oh, we're in training.
- Zilch: In training?
- Kevin Kubusheskie: Yeah.
- Zilch: You've got to be kidding.
- Martin Kerr: No-no, he's right. You see, we're all goin' to Mexico for our vacation this year, and we're training our stomachs for all that Mexican food that gives you the runs.
- Martin Kerr: Oh, sir. This is a present for you, sir. It's from our vacation in Mexico.
- Mr. Schidtler: [really taken by this] Why, thank you, Martin! Oh-ho-ho.
- Kevin Kubusheskie: [once Martin's in his chair] Martin, you suck! What'd you give him, anyway?
- Martin Kerr: Oh, some Mexican hooch called Casa Veja Burro. I don't know WHAT'S in it, but when my dad drank some, it kept him on the toilet for fifteen days.
- Alasdair Gillis: My mom and dad and my little brother and I go on vacation at the beach every year. Now what I want to know is: How come when you find a beach with a hotdog stand, a video arcade and lots of other kids to play with, Mom and Dad wanna keep walking for hours to another beach where there's nobody for miles and nothing to do except pick the sand out from beneath your toenails?
- Camp Counselor: [to the camera, after discovering the boys at camp are all wearing cute "Blueberry Shortcake" sailor outfits] It's gonna be another one of THOSE years.
- Lance Prevort: [as Alasdair comes clanking through the door] Well, son, just back from camp?
- Alasdair Gillis: [glum] Yep.
- Lance Prevort: Welp, y'knowp, uh... Did you find it good, uh, as a whole?
- Alasdair Gillis: Oh, sure, as a hole it was very good, but as a summer camp it stank.
- Kevin Kubusheskie: AWW! Zilch, come here!
- Zilch: Yeah, what?
- Kevin Kubusheskie: Where did Barf go on his vacation this year?
- Zilch: To Paris, France. Why?
- Kevin Kubusheskie: Thought so. Look!
- Zilch: Eew!
- Kevin Kubusheskie: FROG-burgers!
- Barth Baggs: Dyah, j'ai entendu... que!
- [Kevin runs from the firing post for the nearest toilet - a case on Montezuma's Revenge]
- El Capitano: Hey, amigos! These gringos, uh, we get them either with our bullets or with our water. Ah-ha-ha-haa. Pretty sneaky, eh?