How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)
Swarley (2006)
Neil Patrick Harris: Barney Stinson
Photos
Quotes
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Barney Stinson : One time I met a girl... at this very bar...
[flashback]
Barney Stinson : I saw that she had the crazy eyes... but I ignored it. And then, sure enough...
[further flashback]
Lauren : Barney, can I ask you a question?
Barney Stinson : Anything.
Lauren : Would you like to have a three-some?
Barney Stinson : Of course...
Lauren : Great! It would be me, you and Mr Weasels!
[back... to reality]
Ted Mosby : So, did you do it ?
Barney Stinson : No. It ended up being just the two-some. With the third one watching from a chair.
Ted Mosby : Which one were you ?
Barney Stinson : [looking askance] I'd rather not say.
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Ted Mosby : Hey dude, by the way, I really like that suit. Tell me about the fabric; is it foreign or something?
Barney Stinson : Wow... it is foreign. I'm impressed, Ted! It's Moroccan, actually.
Ted Mosby : Whoa...
Carl : [Carl interrupts from the bar] I've got a phone call for Swarley. Is there a Swarley here?
Barney Stinson : [to Ted] You weren't interested in my suit at all, were you?
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Robin Scherbatsky : What's up, Swarles?
Barney Stinson : No, okay? No! No more! I will not let this become a thing! It's OVER! No more "Swarley!" No "Swarles!" No more "Swar-LAY!" No more "Swar - wait for it - LEE!" No more "Bob Swarleyman!" No more! No! It's over! Do you understand?
Lily Aldrin , Robin Scherbatsky : Yes.
Barney Stinson : Thank you.
[walks away, unaware of a "CALL ME SWARLEY" sign on his back]
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Ted Mosby : [about Chloe] So, she's needy crazy. That's one of the worst kinds.
Barney Stinson : I've had one of those. Makes up stories to get attention. Went out with her for three weeks, her dad died twice.
Marshall Eriksen : Guys, she was really freaked out, okay? Maybe the story is true.
Barney Stinson : What in the world would make you believe that's a true story?
Marshall Eriksen : She's really hot.
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Ted Mosby : So I guess that decides it.
Marshall Eriksen : Yep.
Barney Stinson : Hanging out at a coffee place: not nearly as much fun as hanging out at a bar.
Ted Mosby : [Looks at Marshall's cup] Hey, what's that?
Marshall Eriksen : What?
Ted Mosby : That cute coffee girl wrote a heart by your name!
[in a sing-song voice]
Ted Mosby : Somebody has a crush on you!
Barney Stinson : [In a sing-song voice as well] Somebody thinks you're me!
Marshall Eriksen : Well, what if the heart doesn't mean anything? What if she writes them on all the cups?
Ted Mosby : Mine says "Ted", no heart.
Barney Stinson : Mine says... "Swarley"... How'd they get "Swarley" from "Barney"? It's not even a name. Who would ever be called "Swarley"?...
[sees Marshall and Ted smile]
Barney Stinson : Oh, please don't start calling me "Swarley"... This would never happen at a bar!
[leaves the coffee shop angerly]
Ted Mosby : Man! What's up with Swarley?
Marshall Eriksen : I know. You almost never see old Swarlz get that upset.
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Barney Stinson : [about the girl Marshall's going on a date with] She's got the... 'Crazy Eyes'.
Ted Mosby : Dude... the eyes... they're CRAZY.
Marshall Eriksen : What are you guys talking about; the 'Crazy Eyes'?
Barney Stinson : It's a well-documented condition of the pupils, or pupi.
Ted Mosby : Nope, just pupils.
Barney Stinson : It's an indicator of future mental instability
Marshall Eriksen : She does not have the crazy eyes.
Ted Mosby : You just can't see it because you're afflicted with "haven't been laid in a while" blindness.
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Wendy : You all done with that, Ted?
Ted Mosby : Yeah.
Barney Stinson : Ned. I told you to call him Ned.
Ted Mosby : [At Barney] That is just... sad.
Wendy : Sorry, Swarley.
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Ted Mosby : Okay, I ran it by the group, and we decided we're gonna give you a choice. We will agree to stop calling you Swarley, but instead, we'll call you Jennifer. Well?
Barney Stinson : I'm thinking.