- Announcer: The A-Team Wreck Disneyland will not be seen at this time so that we may bring you this holiday special.
- Vanessa Lindores: Dougie, what're you doing with that rabbit?
- Doug Ptolemy: Um, I'm waiting for it to lay some Easter eggs.
- Vanessa Lindores: [laughs] I don't believe this. Listen, Doug, I hate to break this to you but bunnies don't lay eggs.
- Doug Ptolemy: Oh, yeah?
- Doug Ptolemy: [revealing several highly decorative Easter eggs] What's this, this and this?
- Vanessa Lindores: Oh, wow! Let me SEE this rabbit!
- Doug Ptolemy: Be careful, Vanessa! Don't shake her up or else you might make the colors run.
- Lisa Ruddy: You know, Christine, when I looked at the production schedule and I saw "Holiday," I got all excited 'cause I thought we were gonna get a day off and not be stuck in here doing THIS show.
- Doug Ptolemy: [depressed] I just found out it's really Dad who's Santa Claus.
- Valerie Prevort: Nooo. Bucha know, I've always wondered why he keeps all those reindeer in the garage.
- Nasti: Oh, Alasdair. Ya know, today is Thanksgiving.
- Alasdair Gillis: Well, so what. I haven't got anything to give thanks for chained up in this stupid dungeon all the time.
- Nasti: You know, Gillis, you may be right. Ch'uh, I was just going to give you the day off so you could have some turkey, but if you've got nothing to give thanks for, then there's no point. See ya around.
- Santa Claus: What's the matter with our little elf... our little, uh, BOY, Mother Claus?
- Mother Claus: He's upset to find out that you're really Santa Claus and not just some regular father PRETENDING.
- Santa Claus: Oh, ho-ho-ho!
- Doug Ptolemy: Boy, what a disappointment!
- Santa Claus: [about to go into song] Now, Dougie - "You'd better watch out, you'd better not cry, you'd better not pout, I'm telling you why..."
- Doug Ptolemy: Oh, Dad, shut up!
- Christine McGlade: Uh, Dougie, um... Why are you carrying that club?
- Doug Ptolemy: It's my Christmas club.
- Christine McGlade: I could be wrong, but I thought a Christmas Club was when you put money in the bank until Christmas so that you could get what you wanted when Christmas came.
- Doug Ptolemy: Well, you see, this is sort of the same thing, but... If Santa Claus doesn't bring me what I want, he's gonna get clubbed.
- Doug Ptolemy: Why do we call Thanksgiving Thanksgiving?
- Vanessa Lindores: Well, because we give thanks to the bountiful harvest.
- Doug Ptolemy: Well, why do we call it Labor Day?
- Vanessa Lindores: Because we celebrate the working person.
- Doug Ptolemy: Why do we call it Good Friday.
- Vanessa Lindores: Because we get a day off school, and that's good.
- Alasdair Gillis: Mom, you look exhausted.
- Valerie Prevort: I am, Alasdair. I've just spent two hours dressing the turkey.
- Alasdair Gillis: Oh, but, Mom, doesn't Dad know how to dress himself yet?
- Barth Baggs: Dyah, two super special, dyah, turkey burgers, duh, comin' up!
- Alasdair Gillis: [to Christine] Don't you think Barth's gettin' a little carried away with these holiday special burgers? I mean, for Easter we had bunny burgers, and on Thanksgiving we're having turkey burgers.
- Christine McGlade: Hey, anything's gotta be better than his regular burgers, right?
- Barth Baggs: Dyah, I heard that, Christine, but you just wait until you try one of these succulent turkey burgers.
- Alasdair Gillis: [takes a bite and spits out a mouthful] They're full of feathers!
- Barth Baggs: Of course. 100% pure turkey. Dyah, waste not want not...
- Alasdair Gillis, Christine McGlade, Lisa Ruddy, Doug Ptolemy: ...I always say!
- Alasdair Gillis: And, uh, thanks again, Doc, for coming over and puttin' this band aid on my knee.
- Doctor: Ah, think nothing of it, my boy. After all, it was a holiday and I had nothing else to do. By the way, if you happen to scrape the other knee or anything else, just phone me at my office, and if I'm NOT in my office, phone the golf course and I'll come right over.
- Mr. Schidtler: Today is Homework Holiday!
- [the class cheers vigorously]
- Lisa Ruddy: Oh, sir?
- Mr. Schidtler: Yes, Lisa?
- Lisa Ruddy: How do we celebrate this holiday?
- Mr. Schidtler: By staying right here and doing it after school.
- [the class boos vigorously]