- Announcer: The following program contains certain scenes which may not be suitable for mature audiences; Juvenile discretion is advised.
- [Liz finds the plastic gnome prize in a cereal box which Lance immediately confiscates]
- Valerie Prevort: Elizabeth, it's not because your father is older than you that he gets the plastic gnome.
- Liz Richardson: It's not?
- Valerie Prevort: No. He needs that gnome to trade with the other senators in order to get his legislation passed.
- Christine McGlade: I'd never use my body to get work.
- Liz Richardson: You couldn't, unless the Goodyear blimp needed an understudy.
- [Dressed as a newspaper boy, Lance rings a doorbell and Eugene answers]
- Lance Prevort: Ehhhh, collecting for, uh, two weeks papers.
- Eugene Contreras: Uh, could you come back next Thursday?
- Lance Prevort: Oh, all right.
- Eugene Contreras: [as Lance starts to leave] And, Dad...
- Lance Prevort: Yeah?
- Eugene Contreras: Could you bring back a loaf of bread and a quarter of milk when you've finished your route?
- Liz Richardson: But, Mom, I'm too old to have a clown at my birthday party.
- Valerie Prevort: Well, I'm sorry, Elizabeth, your father can stay if he wants.
- Lance Prevort: Elizabeth, don't encourage your mother.
- Eugene Contreras: Well, you've got everything it takes to make a kid like me happy.
- Lance Prevort: Why... Well, golly, that's really nice. I'm really flattered. You... you mean what you've said?
- Eugene Contreras: Oh, yeah. You have my allowance. You have my lunch money. You have my paper route money.
- Valerie Prevort: You know he's got a point there, dear.
- Lance Prevort: Don't encourage him.
- Eugene Contreras: [paying for his Barthy Burger] You know, it's not fair! If us kids had credit cards, I wouldn't always be running out of money.
- Brodie Osome: [to Liz] If we were allowed to have credit cards, we wouldn't be eating here.
- Barth Baggs: Dyah, I heard that!
- Jennifer White: You know, I don't think it's fair that my father gives my big brother an me the same allowance.
- Liz Richardson: What's so unfair about that?
- Jennifer White: Well, my brother always spends it before I can get my hands on ANY of it. I wish my dad would give us each separate allowances.
- Liz Richardson: I bet YOU tried to look older and sophisticated when you were my age.
- Valerie Prevort: You're right, Elizabeth, I DID try to look older and sophisticated when I was your age, and that's why I'm not letting you to wear any makeup.
- Liz Richardson: But, Mom, you met Dad when you were my age.
- Valerie Prevort: That's right, and I am trying to prevent you from making the same mistakes I did.
- Liz Richardson: How come Dad always gets the biggest slice of pie.
- Valerie Prevort: Well, that's because your father is the breadwinner of the family, dear.
- Liz Richardson: So give him the biggest slice of bread.