- Kevin Harnisch: All right, Harold, your first phone number. You should get this framed.
- Harold Jenkins: Already had it photocopied.
- Kevin Harnisch: [about what he overheard her say] So I'm a weasel, huh?
- Abby Wilde: A sneaky little weasel.
- Kevin Harnisch: Oh cool. Thanks.
- Kevin Harnisch: [about Harold's weird white tux with leopard print on the inside] Is it prom?
- Harold Jenkins: No, but I still look delicious.
- Kevin Harnisch: Are you getting married?
- Abby Wilde: [On intro; Kevin sets down his drink. To camera] Hi, I'm Abby, and this is Kevin.
- Kevin Harnisch: Hello, America.
- Abby Wilde: And we're here to tell you about O'Grady.
- Kevin Harnisch: Our town's kinda famous.
- Abby Wilde: Right, because of the weirdness.
- Kevin Harnisch: Yeah.
- Abby Wilde: Weird stuff happens here that doesn't happen in other towns.
- Kevin Harnisch: Yeah and to think it's all cuz of that secret
- [camera zooms in]
- Kevin Harnisch: government program.
- Abby Wilde: Really? I thought it was because they built the town on top of an ancient trial burial ground.
- Kevin Harnisch: No, no no, if anything, Abby, it's because we got a bad - BURP! Oh...
- Abby Wilde: Ew!
- Kevin Harnisch: Sorry.
- Abby Wilde: Can you cover you're mouth when you do that?
- Kevin Harnisch: J- Just so everyone knows, this is not the weirdness. I'm just burping up some bad pepperoni.
- Abby Wilde: I'm sure everyone is really glad to hear that.
- Kevin Harnisch: [hits chest repeatedly] urp...
- Abby Wilde: Kevin!
- Kevin Harnisch: Oh man...
- Abby Wilde: So gross.
- Kevin Harnisch: That's gonna come back up.
- Abby Wilde: Anyway, I guess nobody's sure where the Weirdness comes from.
- Kevin Harnisch: That might come out both ends.
- Abby Wilde: [horrified] Oh, God!...
- Sign on front door of school: Don't forget: Go to class!
- Sign in hallway: Check: Are you wearing pants?
- Kevin Harnisch: [explaining the newest Weirdness] And all those Greek Gods you studied? Poof, gone.
- Harold Jenkins: [stops] No.
- Kevin Harnisch: Yeah.
- Abby Wilde: Thanks, Mr. Lipschitz.
- Kevin Harnisch: Thanks, Mr. Lipschitz! Can I have some extra brownie points?
- Dr. Myers: I'd like to see the following 2 students after school for DETENTION-
- ["amnesia gong" thing goes off]
- Dr. Myers: ... what was I doing? Umm... Heh. Is this thing on? Oh. Okay, well uh... I have a piece of paper in front of me that has the names Bobby Meyers and Shelton Piercon on it, so... I guess, congratulations, to you 2, for being on this list... Good work!... Thank you.
- [turns intercom off]
- Kevin Harnisch: Look, I just thought that it might be nice to have a party for all the people who didn't get invited to Pete Klesko's.
- Abby Wilde: Pete Klesko's having a party? When?
- Kevin Harnisch: Um, tonight?
- Abby Wilde: I wasn't invited.
- Beth Briggs: Neither was I.
- Harold Jenkins: I'm busy anyway.
- Abby Wilde: You know, that is so not cool. I mean, I'd understand why he wouldn't invite you 2, but us? I mean - not that I care at all.
- Beth Briggs: Well, I don't.
- Abby Wilde: Me neither. Let Pete and his popular-loser friends have a party. Why should I care?
- Beth Briggs: Well, he *is* pretty cute.
- Abby Wilde: [not listening] I don't care, Beth!
- Harold Jenkins: Yeah, and it does kinda hurt to know that there's a party goin' on somewhere and you're not invited. BETH: Yeah.
- Abby Wilde: I don't care, Harold!
- Harold Jenkins: Well, geez, I don't either really, but, it's sad. BETH: Yeah.
- Kevin Harnisch: Hardly anyone who's cool was invited, I heard it was mostly college kids.
- Beth Briggs: WOAH. HAROLD: Outta my league.
- Abby Wilde: Whatever, I don't need a PhD to go to a party, I don't care.
- Kevin Harnisch: Oh you don't care.
- Abby Wilde: Uh-uh.
- Kevin Harnisch: Cuz it sounds like you care.
- Abby Wilde: Well, then you're hearing wrong, cuz I don't. I mean just because a cute, popular guy hasn't invited me to his party- what am I gonna do, curl up into a little ball and die? I don't think so, life goes on! Heh.
- Kevin Harnisch: Okay.
- Abby Wilde: Been to other parties, not a big deal!
- Kevin Harnisch: Okay.
- Abby Wilde: And plus, I haven't checked my voicemail in like a half an hour, so there could totally be a message from him, but I wouldn't even care if there was.
- Harold Jenkins: [the amnesia weirdness kicked in] Hoo! Woah, I just totally spaced.
- Abby Wilde: Me too.
- Beth Briggs: Yeah. Wait, what were we just talking about?
- Kevin Harnisch: [has an idea] ... uh, well, Beth, you were just inviting us to your party.
- Beth Briggs: Party? I'm not having a party.
- Harold Jenkins: Am I invited?
- Beth Briggs: Of course.
- Harold Jenkins: Thanks.
- Beth Briggs: But wait, I'm not having a party.
- Harold Jenkins: Oh, so I'm not invited?
- Beth Briggs: I'm not having a party!
- Abby Wilde: Yeah, but, I'm invited, right?
- Beth Briggs: No, nobody's invited! You guy - I'm not having a party!
- Kevin Harnisch: Wow, that's gonna be tough, then. Beth: What is?
- Kevin Harnisch: Telling all the people who you invited that the party's off.
- Beth Briggs: What are you talking about?
- Kevin Harnisch: [laughs a little] I think you told, like half the school about you're party.
- Beth Briggs: No way, I would remember if I did something that stupid.
- Kevin Harnisch: Beth, if still not convinced, we can just ask a couple of random people if they know about you're party.
- Beth Briggs: Okay. I can deal with that.
- Kevin Harnisch: Cool.
- [stands on lunch table]
- Kevin Harnisch: Listen up O'Grady! Beth's havin' a party tonight, who's comin'?
- cafeteria: [pause a few seconds, then the hole room starts to cheer]
- Kevin Harnisch: See, everybody knew.
- Beth Briggs: [puts her face in her hands] Oh my God.
- Harold Jenkins: Now am I invited?
- Beth Briggs: [about the party] I'm gonna be grounded for life!
- Kevin Harnisch: Take it easy, I've pulled off bigger jobs than this.
- Abby Wilde: You have?
- Kevin Harnisch: Sure! Remember when Dr. Myer's car ended up on the roof of the science wing?
- Abby Wilde: Oh my God, that was you?
- Kevin Harnisch: [smugly] I will neither confirm nor deny it.
- [flatly]
- Kevin Harnisch: Yeah, it was me.
- Harold Jenkins: [reading note written on his hands] Hmm. Leave early... party - huh? 30 pizzas oven. What does that mean?
- Girl Customer at counter: Is something burning?
- Harold Jenkins: [slowly, listening to each word] Is something burning.
- [realizes smoke coming out of oven]
- Harold Jenkins: Yes.
- Harold Jenkins: [trying to read girls at the party's handwriting] 'Scuse me, 'scuse me, 'scuse me. 'Scuse me, will you sign a get-well card, please?
- Girl #1: For who?
- Harold Jenkins: [whispers] For Kevin.
- Girl #2: [they look at Kevin, who's jumping into a moshpit] He looks fine to me.
- Beth Briggs: [on phone with Abby, angry] I'm having a party!
- Abby Wilde: You are? Why didn't you invite me?
- Beth Briggs: Abby, YOU were here! But then you ran out to pick up the pizzas, remember? Oh... my God!
- Harold Jenkins: [to Iris, who's number is on the note] So, you... like me?
- Iris: [huffs and walks out]
- Harold Jenkins: Aw, c'mon, baby! Don't be like that!
- [as Iris walks down driveway]
- Harold Jenkins: Come back! No- aww, Iris! We can work this out! I've been looking for you all night,
- Iris: [takes off jacket and gets on his knees, pleading]
- Harold Jenkins: I found you! Harold's gonna treat you ri-hight!
- [does a hand-motion down his body]
- Kevin Harnisch: Give up? And get caught? Do all those guys in all those party-movies ever get caught? No way.
- Kevin: Hey Flake. We were just stopping by to thank you for lettin' us uh, use your place tonight, party was awesome.
- Mrs. Briggs: [confused] ... what? Party? But, Beth, you said that -
- Kevin: Oh, man you shoulda been here, it was sweet! There were at least uh, what would you say, Beth, 100 people?
- Beth Briggs: Make him stop!
- Abby Wilde: Tell me how.
- Kevin: [reminiscing] Aw, we used your massage table for the poker game... hope you don't mind.
- Mrs. Briggs: [quietly, furious] My massage table?
- Beth Briggs: No, mom...
- Harold Jenkins: Kevin, what're you doin', man?
- Kevin: Relax, Harold.
- Mrs. Briggs: [to Beth] I thought you learned your lesson last time, young lady!
- Kevin: 5.
- Mrs. Briggs: Brandy still hasn't forgiven you!
- Kevin: 4.
- Mrs. Briggs: I swear, I'll never be able to trust you again!
- Kevin: 3.
- Mrs. Briggs: You're grounded.
- Kevin: 2.
- Mrs. Briggs: Indefinitely!
- Kevin: And, 1.
- Mrs. Briggs: [gong goes off, weirdness strikes again] ... oooh, woah, woo, woo-hoo! I am *sorry*, Beth, did you, did you say you had a good evening?
- Beth Briggs: ...yes... evening... great.