- Disease Control leader: Earl, maybe you need to ask yourself if you have a gambling problem.
- Earl Hickey: Hmm, no, I don't have a gambling problem, I'm winning, and winning is not a problem. That's like saying Michael Jordan has a basketball problem, or Def Leppard has an awesomeness problem. So why don't y'all pour some sugar on that?
- [about what he needs to woo Catalina and tell her he loves her]
- Randy Hickey: I also need bubble wrap, she likes the sound it makes when it pops, because it reminds her of her childhood. You know, because of all the shooting.
- Earl Hickey: You want me to teach you how to be less gay so you can sleep with more men?
- [Kenny nods]
- Earl Hickey: Okay.
- Earl Hickey: Remember, real men keep their emotions bottled up until they explode, and then they punch something that has nothing to do with what they're mad at.
- Disease Control leader: You have what is known as pathological impulse-control disorder.
- Joy Turner: Hot damn! Does this mean I can get crippled-people parking?