Corner Gas (TV Series)
Census Sensibility (2007)
Fred Ewanuick: Hank Yarbo
Quotes
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Hank Yarbo : [to a pregnant woman] Evening, ma'am. Census. We'd just like to ask you a few questions...
Oscar Leroy : Head count! One...
[he points at her belly]
Oscar Leroy : ...and a half!
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Hank Yarbo : You saved my life.
Brent LeRoy : Yeah. What's that make it, the eighth time?
Hank Yarbo : First time with a pickle. Well, a sweet pickle.
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Mayor Fitzy : You're both fired.
Oscar Leroy : You don't know how it goes down in the street! You sit here behind your desk...
Mayor Fitzy : I don't have a desk. It's a door on two filing cabinets.
Oscar Leroy : Oh. Well, you should have one, you're the mayor.
Hank Yarbo : If he goes, I go.
Mayor Fitzy : I want you to go. I'm firing you both.
Oscar Leroy : I can't do it without him.
Mayor Fitzy : You can't do it WITH him! You're both fired!
Hank Yarbo : So... when do we meet our new partners?
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Lacey Burrows : Hank, we're closed.
Hank Yarbo : I've just got something to say. Karen, don't come here, trying to win Davis back, he's two-timing you with Lacey.
Lacey Burrows : What?
Karen Pelly : [to Hank] Breadstick?
Hank Yarbo : No, thank you. Just move on, Karen, it's over!
[pause]
Hank Yarbo : Actually, I will have a breadstick, thank you.
Lacey Burrows : Davis didn't leave Karen for me.
Emma Leroy : No, he left you for Karen.
Hank Yarbo : Geez, Davis, how many girlfriends have you got?
Davis Quinton : [extremely confused] I don't know.
[to Karen]
Davis Quinton : Told you it'd get weird.
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Hank Yarbo : [at Oscar and Emma's house] How many people in the house, ma'am?
Emma Leroy : 27 and a monkey. Oscar, don't waste my time.
Hank Yarbo : You think this is a joke? This is the census, lady! Look, don't make me mad! I'll fly off the handle! I'll lose it! I'll snap!
Oscar Leroy : Okay, calm down, pal... My partner is a loose cannon. I can't control him. Help yourself out while you still can. How many people here?
Emma Leroy : It's gonna be one if you don't get off my step.
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Mayor Fitzy : Normally, we hire Hank to do the census.
Hank Yarbo : [to Oscar] I've got experience.
Mayor Fitzy : On the other hand, normally Hank screws it up somehow.
Hank Yarbo : Granted.
Mayor Fitzy : On the other other hand, Oscar, you're... Oscar. So you can see my dilemma.
Oscar Leroy : But I need the money. Shrubs don't grow on trees.
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Hank Yarbo : Yep, census. It's a young man's game. You gotta watch your health. I mean, I almost choked on a pickle.
Brent LeRoy : I know, I was there.
Hank Yarbo : No, after that.
Brent LeRoy : You choked on another pickle?
Hank Yarbo : No, same one.