- Michael Scott: You know what they say? "Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice... strike three."
- Stanley Hudson: Pass.
- Michael Scott: You can't pass. You gotta pick somebody.
- Stanley Hudson: [looks around] I'll take the kid.
- Ryan Howard: [in the confessional] I'm very flattered. I was his second choice after "pass."
- Michael Scott: I want you to think about your future at this company. I want you to think about it long and hard.
- Dwight Schrute: That's what she said.
- Michael Scott: Don't... Don't you dare.
- Andy: [singing] Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-dawesome. Dwight is now gone, which is totally awesome. Why was he gone? He was such a nice guy. No, he was not. He was a total douche. Doompa-dee-doom.
- Dwight Schrute: [to a potential sales client] Here's my card. It's got my cell number, my pager number, my home number and my other pager number. I never take vacations, I never get sick. And I don't celebrate any major holidays.
- Jim Halpert: [holding up old picture of himself and Dwight] Oh, young Jim. There's just so much I need to warn you about and yet, tragically, I cannot.
- [Deleted scene]
- Dwight Schrute: I like Karen. She's pretty... appears intelligent.
- Jim Halpert: Well, I like pretty women... with the appearance of intelligence.
- Jim Halpert: [after enduring a day tormenting Andy after Jim's nemesis Dwight resigns] I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win.
- Karen: So, let me ask you a question.
- Jim Halpert: Okay.
- Karen: Did you ever have a thing for Pam?
- Jim Halpert: Pam? Did I ever have a thing for her? No. Why? Did she say something?
- Michael Scott: Jim, could you come in here, please?
- [Jim enters Michael's office, there's an improvised face with fake teeth and eyes on his computer monitor, a voiceover reads everything he types]
- Michael Scott: Hi, Jim.
- Jim Halpert: Hello.
- Harvey The Computer: I am Harvey, a computer. Jim sucks.
- Michael Scott: [laughing] Sorry. Oh, wow. That's so rude. I'm sorry, I can't control him.
- Jim Halpert: Yeah, you can.
- Michael Scott: You know what? Get Pam.
- Jim Halpert: For this?
- Michael Scott: Pam!
- [keeps typing while Pam enters his office]
- Harvey The Computer: Pam, you look very hot today.
- Jim Halpert: Pam, meet Harvey. This is Michael's new friend.
- Pam Beesly: Great.
- Harvey The Computer: Me so horny. Me love you long tim.
- Michael Scott: Wow, that is gross!
- Pam Beesly: Who's Long Tim?
- Michael Scott: [to himself] Dammit...
- [types rapidly]
- Harvey The Computer: Long time. Me lobe yoy long time.
- Jim Halpert: Oh, well "yoy" should bring Long Tim in one day.
- Pam Beesly: I'd love to meet Long Tim.
- Jim Halpert: Yeah, right?
- Harvey The Computer: [Michael types rapidly] You ruined a funny jok-u. Get out of my off-five.
- Jim Halpert: Ok.
- Pam Beesly: Ok. Bye, Harvey.
- [she and Jim exit Michael's office]
- Harvey The Computer: Boobs.
- [Michael grins]
- Dwight Schrute: May I have your attention please? This will only take a moment of your time. Although I love this company more than almost anything in the world, I have decided to step down from my post and spend more time with my family. I do not fear the unknown and I will meet my new challenges head-on and I will succeed. And I will laugh in the faces of those who doubt me. It has been a pleasure working with some of you and I will not forget those of you soon but remember, while today it is me, we all shall fall. In other words, I am quitting.
- Jim Halpert: [seeing Dwight exiting the building] Hey, man.
- [Dwight says nothing, but hugs Jim and walks away]
- Karen: What happened on your sales call?