The Smoking Room (TV Series)

No Place Like Home (2005)

Fraser Ayres: Clint

Quotes 

• Lilian : Oh, God! I've been stuck in the car park for half an hour going precisely nowhere! And there's a documentary on tonight that I do *not* want to miss!

  Clint : Men with Breasts?

  Lilian : That's the one!

  Sally : Have the men got breasts or is it about what men are like when they get their hands on a pair?

  Barry : Grateful...

  Lilian : No, they've actually got them, it's some weird syndrome... Ooh, nature's cruel! That poor chap on the advert was so good-looking!

  Clint : And? He had a really cracking pair of tits!

• Janet : I ran over a dachshund once...

  Clint : [shocked]  Why?

  Janet : It just ran out! I didn't even see it... But I felt the bump... I still wake up at night sweating...

  Robin : At least you've been getting *some* sleep...

  Janet : It comes to me in nightmares... Its little sausage body, looking for its head...

  Clint : You know what you should do, Jan? Put a bowl of Chum out and then its little ghost head will run in, gobble it all up...

  Sharon : Janet, you could be on the phone now, working out how I'll get home, instead of treating us to tales of dead dogs!

• Lilian : Do you know? I can't say I'm minding being stuck here now. And, truth be known, I'm still not used to being in an empty house.

  Clint : Has someone stolen your furniture?

  Lilian : Devoid of people? Pain and all as Greg was, it was nice when I walked into a room and said "what have I come in here for?" to have somebody go "I dunno!"

• Clint : Bet you're missin' out on a mad one, eh, Sharon?

  Sharon : A mad what?

  Clint : Night out! You earn a good whack! Bet you hit the bars and it's "another bottle of champagne!", yeah? "Another bottle of champagne!", yeah? "Another bottle of champagne!"

  Sharon : No!

  Clint : Don't you like champagne?

  Sharon : Certainly not in those quantities!

  Sally : So where do you go if you don't go to the pub? Movies?

  Sharon : I can't see the appeal... It's just sitting in the dark, staring forwards...

  Lilian : Do you not get lonely at home on your own?

  Sharon : I'm not on my own, I've got a cat.

  Lilian : Aww, what's its name?

  Sharon : Oh, it hasn't got a name! Can't see the point. But I'll sometimes talk to that. Say, "get out!" or "get off the sofa!"