The Smoking Room (TV Series)

No Place Like Home (2005)

Siobhan Redmond: Sharon

Quotes 

• Sharon : Janet? Janet!

  Janet : Yes?

  Sharon : [points to a napping Robin]  What do I do about this?

  Janet : Hm... Maybe we should wake him up... He's probably due another cigarette by now...

  [gently nudges Robin] 

  Janet : Robin? Robin?

  Sharon : [shrieks at Robin]  Wake up you lazy bastard!

• Sally : Do I need this? I've just left Annie in the bogs having some sort of fit!

  Sharon : What's wrong with her?

  Sally : She's melodramatic! I mean, we're all stuck here, but she's got to go that extra mile, in't she? Throw a panic attack into the mix!

  Sharon : Does she need medical help?

  Sally : She needs a kick up the arse!

• Robin : I Just want my bed...

  Sally : [rummages through a carrier bag and pulls out a bottle of vodka and a jar of pasta sauce]  You should worry, I'm meant to be down the pub. But I'm not letting a bit of snow disrupt my plans, I can get pissed here. Bought this at lunchtime.

  Robin : Been doing your weekly shop?

  Sally : Weekly?

  Sharon : What do you think you're doing?

  Sally : Eh? Oh, the pasta sauce? I forgot to buy mixers. It's mainly tomato and... Diced mushroom... Be like a Bloody Mary.

  Sharon : But... Drinking at *work*?

  Sally : We're not *at* work... We're just... In the building.

• Lilian : Ooh, I saw a film once where they were all snowed-in! "Snowed In", it was called... And eventually, they all had to eat each other! Imagine that, human flesh!

  Sharon : I wouldn't mind a wee taste...

  Lilian : Well, I suppose if your life depended on it...

  Sharon : Oh, if my life depended on it, I'd tuck in with no qualms!

• Janet : I ran over a dachshund once...

  Clint : [shocked]  Why?

  Janet : It just ran out! I didn't even see it... But I felt the bump... I still wake up at night sweating...

  Robin : At least you've been getting *some* sleep...

  Janet : It comes to me in nightmares... Its little sausage body, looking for its head...

  Clint : You know what you should do, Jan? Put a bowl of Chum out and then its little ghost head will run in, gobble it all up...

  Sharon : Janet, you could be on the phone now, working out how I'll get home, instead of treating us to tales of dead dogs!

• Annie : I was feeling terribly stifled, trapped as we are, but I applied my visualisation techniques.

  Sharon : [sarcastically]  Oh, good!

  Annie : I imagined myself walking free through open fields... Awful lot of cow shit about...

• Clint : Bet you're missin' out on a mad one, eh, Sharon?

  Sharon : A mad what?

  Clint : Night out! You earn a good whack! Bet you hit the bars and it's "another bottle of champagne!", yeah? "Another bottle of champagne!", yeah? "Another bottle of champagne!"

  Sharon : No!

  Clint : Don't you like champagne?

  Sharon : Certainly not in those quantities!

  Sally : So where do you go if you don't go to the pub? Movies?

  Sharon : I can't see the appeal... It's just sitting in the dark, staring forwards...

  Lilian : Do you not get lonely at home on your own?

  Sharon : I'm not on my own, I've got a cat.

  Lilian : Aww, what's its name?

  Sharon : Oh, it hasn't got a name! Can't see the point. But I'll sometimes talk to that. Say, "get out!" or "get off the sofa!"