The Smoking Room (TV Series)

No Place Like Home (2005)

Robert Webb: Robin

Quotes 

• Robin : I Just want my bed...

  Sally : [rummages through a carrier bag and pulls out a bottle of vodka and a jar of pasta sauce]  You should worry, I'm meant to be down the pub. But I'm not letting a bit of snow disrupt my plans, I can get pissed here. Bought this at lunchtime.

  Robin : Been doing your weekly shop?

  Sally : Weekly?

  Sharon : What do you think you're doing?

  Sally : Eh? Oh, the pasta sauce? I forgot to buy mixers. It's mainly tomato and... Diced mushroom... Be like a Bloody Mary.

  Sharon : But... Drinking at *work*?

  Sally : We're not *at* work... We're just... In the building.

• Janet : I ran over a dachshund once...

  Clint : [shocked]  Why?

  Janet : It just ran out! I didn't even see it... But I felt the bump... I still wake up at night sweating...

  Robin : At least you've been getting *some* sleep...

  Janet : It comes to me in nightmares... Its little sausage body, looking for its head...

  Clint : You know what you should do, Jan? Put a bowl of Chum out and then its little ghost head will run in, gobble it all up...

  Sharon : Janet, you could be on the phone now, working out how I'll get home, instead of treating us to tales of dead dogs!

• Robin : I can't take much more of this... I think I'll check into that B&B, near the petrol station.

  Lilian : Oh, that was closed down months ago! Bloke who ran it was a pervo... Secretly been videoing all the rooms!

  Sally : Dirty sod!

  Lilian : Yeah... But when the police played back the tapes, they just showed endless travelling salesmen sat up in bed reading John Grisham.