- [Season 1 opening; audience cheers and applause]
- The Chief: All these people want to know: Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
- Rockapella, Rockapella, Rockapella, Rockapella, Himself - Vocal Percussionist: Rockapella: [sings] Where In The World Is... /
- Rockapella: Carmen Sandiego?
- Rockapella: Hey, Hey!
- [Rockapella scats]
- The Chief: And one of these people could find her.
- [the Chief calls out the three chosen gumshoes]
- The Chief: Today's episode...
- [name of episode]
- The Chief: .
- The Chief: And this man is Acme Special Agent in charge of training new recruits, Greg Lee!
- The Chief: Here's the skinny on the slick one. He's got a pension for plaid and pinky rings. He's the kind of guy you wouldn't trust with a wet match.
- The Chief: Detectives, ACME Art-Net has tracked Vic the Slick to the place where Leonardo painted Lisa. Vic was spotted pinching a pinkie ring at the Ponte Vecchio, where they've been making jewelry since 1593. Now this city is often called "The Birthplace of the Renaissance", and the artists Raphael, Donatello, and Michelangelo did some of their greatest works here. Their recent decision to become ninja turtles has initially been controversial, but is now regarded as just another example of their genius.
- Greg: [answering the phone] Acme Crimenet.
- Mona Lisa: Acme Crimenet, it's Lisa. When are you gonna rescue me? If this jerk drags me through the Van Gogh Museum one more time, I'm gonna throw him in the Amstel river! Everything's written in Dutch! Get me out of here right now!
- Greg: We're on the case, ma'am. Thanks so much for calling. Been a pleasure. Bye.
- [hangs up]
- Greg: I love it when she calls.
- Self - Guest Star: Well gumshoes, here's the way it is. That crook is hiding out in a seaside city in Brazil, where the residents are called Cariocas. Beautiful beaches, beautiful people, and the carefree lifestyle. It's going to be tough to keep your mind on work. Just remember the Acme oath: duty first. No fun, no romance, no dancing the samba.
- The Chief: I'm getting a fax in here. And it's from a fellow law enforcement agent. A ranger. It says "we've chased your man from Wakahachi to Waco. From Del Rio to Laredo. Don't worry, Ma'am. We always get our man. Signed, Ranger Danger." Well, gumshoes, you're not gonna let some ranger beat you to the bust, are you? Go get 'em!
- The Chief: You know, back when I was just a little chieflet, I used to love to go to state fairs. Except for the time when Nosy Vanderbubble stuck cotton candy in my hair. Of course, I had my mom arrest him, so it ended up okay. I wonder if he's out yet.
- The Chief: This is Lynne Thigpen speaking for "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?". And remember: gumshoes can be boys or girls, but never, ever knavish churls.