Rocko's Modern Life (TV Series)

An Elk for Heffer/Scrubbin' Down Under (1996)

Linda Wallem: Virginia Wolfe, Elkie

Quotes 

• Heffer Wolfe : What's up?

  Virginia Wolfe : Your father has something to tell you, dear.

  George Wolfe : Sit down, son. Son, there, uh, comes a time in every boy's life when, uh...

  Heffer Wolfe : Oh. Dad, is this about the birds and the bees?

  George Wolfe : NO.

  Heffer Wolfe : Are you sure?

  George Wolfe : Yes, I'm sure!

  Heffer Wolfe : 'cause if it is, I...

  George Wolfe : [losing his patients]  It's not about that. It's about passing from boyhood to manhood.

  Heffer Wolfe : Oh, so this *is* about the...

  George Wolfe : Virginia!

  Heffer Wolfe : What?

  Virginia Wolfe : Dear, what your father is trying to say is, you have certain tasks to perform before the pack considers you an adult.

  George Wolfe : Yeah. You have to bring an elk home for dinner.

  Heffer Wolfe : That's it?

• Heffer Wolfe : [sees Elkie and falls in love] 

  Heffer's Heart : Look stupid

  [pulls down a lever] 

  Heffer's Heart : Stumble over

  [pulls down another lever] 

  Heffer's Heart : .

  [Heffer tries to walk over to Elkie and falls] 

  Heffer Wolfe : [gets back up]  Hi.

  Elkie : Hi. My name is Elkie. What's yours?

  Heffer's Heart : [pulls down a lever]  Forget name.

  Heffer Wolfe : My name is Tom. NO, wait, that's not right.

  [tries to remember his name] 

  Heffer Wolfe : Jeff. Dan. Joe. Bartholomew.

  Heffer's Heart : [pulls down a lever]  Try to impress her.

  Heffer Wolfe : [starts to juggle anvils] 

  Elkie : You're cute.

  Heffer Wolfe : [gasps]  Really?

  Heffer's Heart : [pulls down a lever that reads "Musical Fantasy"] 

• Heffer Wolfe : Mom, Dad, I want you to meet Elkie.

  [to Elkie] 

  Heffer Wolfe : Elkie, this is my family; George and Virginia and this is my brother Peter...

  Peter Wolfe : All right, dinner's arrived.

  Virginia Wolfe : [to Heffer]  What does he mean by that?

  Heffer Wolfe : I guess we ordered out.

• Elkie : [whispers to Heffer]  Your family are wolves?

  Heffer Wolfe : Oh, I was adopted.

  Elkie : [whispering]  I didn't realize.

  Heffer Wolfe : So, would you like to see some embarrassing pictures of me as a child?

  Elkie : Sure.

  [they leave the room] 

  George Wolfe : [whispering]  VIRGINIA, SHE'S STILL ALIVE.

  Virginia Wolfe : [whispering]  Now, dear. Just be glad he got her here at all.

  George Wolfe : Well, I think he's getting a little TOO friendly with the main course.

  Virginia Wolfe : Well, Heffer's always been very fond of food.

  George Wolfe : Why can't I have any normal offspring!

• Peter Wolfe : [sees Heffer wearing fake antlers]  Hey, Heff, what's with the antlers?

  Heffer Wolfe : Oh.

  [laughs] 

  Heffer Wolfe : I forgot I had these on.

  [takes them off] 

  Elkie : [gasps]  You're not an elk?

  Heffer Wolfe : Oh, heck no. I just wore these to get into the Elks Club.

  Elkie : I'm dating a cow?

  Heffer Wolfe : Well, steer.

  Elkie : I'm dating a steer?

  Peter Wolfe : You two are *dating*?

  Elkie : Not anymore!

  George Wolfe : What's the matter? He's not GOOD enough for you?

  Peter Wolfe : Whoa. Heffer's dating our dinner.

  Elkie : DINNER?

  George Wolfe : [to Elkie]  SO WHAT IF HE's NOT AN ELK? He's not a wolf either, but we love him anyway.

  Heffer Wolfe : Dinner?

• Virginia Wolfe : Okay, kids. If I'm gonna get dinner on the table, I'm gonna have to get Elkie in the oven soon.

  George Wolfe : NOT NOW, Virginia!

  Virginia Wolfe : Oh. Okidoki.

  Heffer Wolfe : [shocked]  IN THE OVEN?

  Elkie : I'm not getting in ANY OVEN.

  Grandpa Wolfe : That's fine with me. Raw or cooked, I'm not picky.

  George Wolfe : Oh, no. We have gotta cook her. Mother made a SPECIAL MARINADE for the occasion!

  Heffer Wolfe : Wait a minute! Are you talking about cooking Elkie and serving her for dinner?

  Peter Wolfe : Well, DUH.

  Heffer Wolfe : Oh... WELL I WON'T HAVE IT!