- Rebecca Harper: I read about you.
- Kevin Walker: Me?
- Rebecca Harper: M-hm, someone sent me a link to the 'Skinny Minnie'. Are you really dating Chad Barry?
- Kevin Walker: Eh, no. Yes, yeah, oh, I... I know him.
- Justin Walker: Like Romeo knows Juliet.
- Sarah Whedon: Like Siegfried knows Roy.
- Tommy Walker: [jokingly] Did you bring your DNA kit with you? Are you going to swab her over salad?
- Kevin Walker: I could get a strand of hair.
- Tommy Walker: No, that's not going to work. You have to get it from the root.
- Justin Walker: What are you, Columbo?
- Tommy Walker: I watch all the crime shows.
- Kevin Walker: I'll take her water glass into a lab.
- Tommy Walker: No, no, that's not gonna work either. The glass will get corrupted.
- Justin Walker: Look, are you both high? You want your DNA test right here? She's hot - I feel nothing!
- Sarah Whedon: Mom, I didn't come here tonight because of Rebecca, I came here because I want things to be better with us. I need you to care about me the same way that you care about the world.
- Rebecca Harper: This is how you set it up?
- Holly Harper: Don't say that.
- Rebecca Harper: Oh, but it is. I mean, you didn't just deprive me of a father, mom, you deprived me of an entire family.
- Holly Harper: Honey, you have a family. You and me, we're family.
- Rebecca Harper: I could have had so much more. I could have had brothers and sisters all these years, I could have had this busy, chaotic childhood that you fantasize about as a kid. But you didn't let me.